PhD in Being Me

Tag: empowerment

  • Supported

    Tree tops with a pink and purple sky, with part of a rainbow above them.
    A beautiful rainbow during a sunset this past week!


    It makes such a difference in life to be supported. In the last two months at my work, I have been incredibly supported. It feels so very good! I’ve been learning a new job and putting together a project proposal for an innovative idea. It’s been a really busy time, but it’s felt so wonderful because everyone I’ve been working with has been so supportive, caring and kind.

    My last post was about meeting myself where I am at, and I wanted to provide the upside of how I’ve been feeling over the last month. Even though I was in a time of transition and challenge in my professional and personal life, not all of the transition and challenges were negative. In fact, I could feel how they were here to help me, even if some of the challenges were harder than I wanted them to be.

    The challenge of working on a project proposal was invigorating and fun. I had never done anything like that before, and I reveled in learning everything I needed to learn for that. It was so empowering for me to come up with an innovative idea, and to have so many people interested in sharing their feedback and ideas. I learned how challenges can help us grow, whether it’s because they’re fun challenges, or even unwanted challenges like I had, with our rescue dog really struggling after he got a cut. It sounds like such a simple thing, but my oh my, it was incredibly stressful.

    One thing I learned over the course of this month of transition was the power of asking “how” questions. I learned about this concept from this Matt Kahn video if you’d like to check it out. I’ll explain with an example. This morning, I found myself saying, “oh man, I am so exhausted, what am I going to do?” It is a question I ask myself often as a person with chronic fatigue syndrome. Luckily I don’t spiral in those unhelpful thoughts like I used to (but I still sometimes do!), but I learned how I could ask a “how” question to greater support myself and invite greater inspiration and support from the universe. I decided to try it out, so I asked, “how can I have more emotional, mental, energetic, physical energy in my life?”. Gosh, it felt so much lighter inside of me. Matt taught that it’s important not to look for an answer for that question, but to be open to having inspiration come directly to me.

    No matter where you’re at in your life, may you be supported in all the most beautiful and miraculous ways that will help you. May your challenges bring your growth, and may you be blessed with strength, no matter what types of challenges you are navigating. May you discover the power of asking “how..(insert what you’re looking for, with a positive spin, here)” questions. I’ll end with a how question of my own, “how may I write each blog post to help uplift, inspire, support and nourish my readers.”

    Thanks for reading and may you be well.
    Bradlee

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Bullied – a poem

    A notebook with the words, "stop bullying" with a heart.


    It brings a big smile to my heart to say that I’m sharing this poem below in honour of my friend Niveen.  We just reconnected recently and she inspired me to share this poem. In talking to her, I shared how my poems come to life, and I’d like to share that with you too.


    I’ve always been a sensitive empath who feels emotions really strongly.  I didn’t understand that for the first 30ish years of my life, but now that I know it, it’s been easier to learn what I need to feel good.  Writing out my feelings is a very helpful way for me to process them.  As I’ve mentioned before, I used to just shove those feelings down.  Learning how to feel them, give them space to be felt and to witness them has been a challenge for me, but a true gift because I know my feelings now.  They aren’t as scary as they used to be because they know I’ll take the time to feel them, get to know them and hold space for them.  Hmmm, I didn’t even realize I felt that way until I wrote it just now. Thanks Niveen!

     
    Usually I know I am feeling some big feelings because I feel an inner pressure, like how it must be inside of a volcano for weeks before it erupts.  I do my best to pay attention to that feeling.  Sometimes I talk gently to myself when I feel like that, and other times, I just get in front of the computer and let the feelings do all the talking through my fingers.  I sometimes cry or rage while I’m typing and I feel the pressure releasing the more I type.  I’m always amazed that the feelings seem to resolve themselves by the end of the poem.  There is also a pattern that I’ve noticed; by giving my feelings space and validity, then it frees up my inner wisdom to come forward and guide me with loving words to a conclusion.  If you’ve read a few of my poems, you’ll notice that they often have a loving, peaceful resolution at the end.  Every time I write, it’s like I’m learning to be my own best friend and supporter from the inside out.  That is truly what getting a PhD in Being Me is about.  Not trying to do what others do, but connecting so deeply into what works best for each of us.


    And now, here is my poem, Bullied.  I have felt this way at so many times in my life.  With each time, I find more courage, strength and inner fire to speak up for myself, realize when enough is enough, and find safety.  It is a true honour and privilege for me to be growing through my experiences. 

    May this poem help you and may you know how worthy you are of being respected and accepted for who you are.  Big hugs!



    Bullied – a poem


    Here I am

    Feeling bullied, disrespected and not listened to

    I don’t know how people can be at such odds with one another

    It’s like a cycle of force and struggle and I feel like I am the only one to see it

    What the heck is going on

    Why can’t we all just get along

    Why do I have to do what I’m told or what others expect of me, even if it goes against my values and my thoughts of what is best

    How in the world can I feel good while being put in these situations time and time again?



    I guess it comes down to not being a victim and breathing deeply.

    Knowing that who I am and how I care for me is more important than anything else.

    I don’t think I need to put up with shit, but I also don’t need to get overly involved either.

    It’s so sad, but it seems to be the way to survive and find the light to thrive.

    I’m not sure how to go about this, but I’m going to breathe, acknowledge myself, ask myself to come along and see what happens next.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2022-2023. All Rights Reserved

  • When it all works out

    This beautiful art my husband made me sums up how I am feeling

    I love it when it all works out! I find it especially exciting after a time of deep fatigue, anxiety, stress, or tension (or all of them)! Maybe that’s the gift the contrast between the highs and lows of life gives us?

    This past weekend, I went to a beautiful family reunion, and I saw cousins I hadn’t seen in over 30 years. There was so much delicious food that I didn’t eat because I was so happy hugging and talking. My heart was overflowing with love, and truly, there is no better feeling. It made my emotional and physical aches and pains melt away.

    Before going, I had decided to bring all of who I am now, instead of relating to everyone like I used to when I was a shy kid and an unsure teenager. I felt like I grew up a lot by making that choice, like I integrated and honored the many parts of me. This GIF represents how I feel more cohesive and organized within myself.

    I haven’t been sleeping as well since that time, almost like all of me is awake, revelling in the joy of the wonderful road trip with my family, an incredible reunion, and loving visit with my precious Dad. Even though I know there will be challenges ahead, I feel good and fortified. May this feeling last, and may we all be blessed with lovely, heartwarming experiences where it all works out.

    This is all part of getting a PhD in Being Me, enjoying the good, taking care of ourselves for when times are hard, and learning day to day what we may need to help us through. May you be inspired about how to best care for and enjoy who you were, who you are, and who you are becoming. Big hugs!

    A simple flower with a text box with these words, "This is all part of getting a PhD in Being Me, enjoying the good, taking care of ourselves for when times are hard, and learning day to day what we may need to help us through.'

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Cultivating strength through weakness and hardship

    Image of Bradlee flexing her right arm and smiling.
    Image of me flexing my muscles in celebration of finding strength within me

    Sneak peek: loving video at the end of this post!

    Since I started getting progressively more tired with chronic fatigue syndrome, I thought I was getting weaker.  It can be easy to associate any condition or change in abilities with weakness.  I felt the same about how anxious I was getting over the years.  It turns out I was wrong.  Learning to cope with challenges and unexpected realities creates strength and resilience, not weakness.

    For a long time, I hid how tired I was, and I didn’t talk about how hard it was, even with my doctor and naturopath. I felt this absurd need to downplay my symptoms. Through many hardships in my personal and professional, I learned just how much shame I was experiencing. I think I needed to soak in that shame so I could find my self-worth and rise up despite my diagnosis. I feel like I could write a book about this subject and I really hope to in the future. There is something so magical about struggling and suffering yet finding one’s way through. It is so beautiful and inspiring, and I hope to uplift and support others by sharing deeply about my struggles to embrace, accept, know, and love myself.

    I had so many loving and supportive people who validated me, even when I didn’t think I was good enough. My family first helped me see that I am physically and emotionally strong even though I am always tired.  They supported me through the shame and unworthiness I felt about it. My beautiful friend Jana helped me with that, too, when I easily moved a heavy umbrella stand. And Georgette coached me through the fears I had about taking big steps to reclaim my power. K taught me that there are cycles in life and that it’s okay not to give 100% all the time. I remember how incredibly powerful their help and support was. I am so grateful to all my friends, family, and colleagues who loved and appreciated me for me, regardless of how tired or anxious I was (or am).  I hadn’t recognized how small, not good enough and incapable I felt just because I am chronically exhausted.

    With every supportive and encouraging word from family, friends, colleagues and that I learned to give to myself, I started reclaiming my worth and my physical and emotional strength.  Learning to honor myself and my precious body has been life changing for me, too.  Developing my self-worth has helped me make healthier and more confident decisions in my life, including recognizing and enforcing boundaries, eating ways that give me more energy and other healthy habits.  Tremendous good has come out of having chronic fatigue syndrome.  Through perceiving myself as weak, I have found true strength, what a beautiful gift.  My strength still wavers at times, but now that I have found it, I won’t lose it again.

    Even though we face challenges in life, whether they are imposed on us by society or not, whether they are temporary or permanent, physical, mental, emotional, or financial, or the result of longstanding systemic racism and oppression, we are still strong.  Challenges of any kind don’t make us weak.  If anything, they make us more resilient. 

    May we all rise up and reclaim our inner power and strength and dissolve all barriers so we may have true equity, unity, harmony and acceptance within our hearts, bodies, minds, societies, cultures and countries. May we all be blessed to have loving and supportive people to share our lives with too!

    In closing, I am sharing a video with a special message and some deep breaths from my heart to yours ❤️.

    A short video to anchor the message of finding strength, self-love and self-worth especially through challenges

    Note: I have not suffered the effects of systemic racism and oppression as a white, cisgender woman of Lebanese and Italian ancestry.  I wanted to include reference to those who deal with that on a daily basis to honor their strength and resilience. And to highlight my commitment as an ally who is learning and applying what I learn each day. May those oppressive and racist systems be completely transformed and resolved for the well-being of all humanity.

  • That cynical edge

    Rough cliffs on the ocean, with dark clouds filling the sky.
    Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem in January 2019. I was going through a tough time with my mental and physical health, and there were several other challenges in my personal and professional life. I was learning so much about being an empath and how to thrive despite everything I was feeling. I definitely didn’t feel like I was thriving, but this poem showed my dedication to figuring it out, which makes my heart smile.

    Reading this poem reminds me how much more complex life is for people who feel deeply and who are empaths. It also reminds me how courageous the most sensitive of souls are each day, and it gives me hope for transforming our planet with light, love and sensitivity. Big hugs!

    That cynical edge

    I have been trying so hard not to become cynical.

    I have railed against the cynicism, doubts and anger that have filled my world and

    I have done my best to push it away.

    It has slowly crept up on me, climbing up my legs, and weaving itself

    around me, stealthily and purposefully and it has me around the neck.

    It is choking me and infecting my brain and soul.

    I no longer trust in the good of all.

    I no longer know what I trust in.

    I am a stupid leaf being blown by the wind and now I’ve once again

    landed in the cesspool of humanity’s pain.

    Why do I keep ending up here?

    I hate it here.

    I get it.

    We are suffering, we have suffered, it seems like we will keep suffering.

    How is it helping me to be a little leaf blowing from circumstance to circumstance?

    How it is that I am getting deeper and deeper into the cesspool when there is so much good in my life?

    What steps can I take to trust in the good once again?

    What do I need in order to trust in the good once again?

    How many hugs am I feeling like I missed out on?

    How many kind words am I longing to hear?

    How many times do I need to be acknowledged and witnessed until I can once again trust the good in all, including in myself?

    How is it that my self-worth is still tied up in receiving those things?

    What might I need to break all the cycles of abuse, within and without, so that trust and love may rise up again within me as the default operating system?

    What was that dream teaching me when I was a little girl?

    What was it teaching me to see Mother Mary alone in a big and empty hospital waiting room?  She was alone and scared and she was about to give birth to Jesus, but she was so alone.  I had that dream several times and I’ve never forgotten it.  How may I assist myself and our planet in healing, transforming and resolving the extreme loneliness that has led to the creation and deepening of the cesspool of humanity’s exceptionally exquisite pain that seems ready to burst in every aspect of our planet?

    How may I transition from being the pain and not trusting anything to being the one to bring light to the cesspool for the wellbeing of all?

    May the guidance come from within my great big heart and may it come quickly and effortlessly to help me with my mission.

    I know I’ll never drown in the cesspool, but it’s time to transform it.

    May it be transformed into the golden waters of Heaven where all may come to be nourished, healed, blessed and transformed instead of where people come to commiserate with others in the pain and darkness of their everyday existence.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • When rest is best

    An unmade bed that is ready to climb into for rest
    A bed ready to rest in!

    Living with chronic fatigue syndrome can be quite confusing and hard. I remember being a student athlete, working full time and working on a Master’s degree in another city, and other wonderful examples of having energy. I also know that having this medical condition has taught me so much about myself and has given me a chance to know myself better and to heal some big wounds.

    I can only write about my experience of chronic fatigue syndrome, and my experiences will likely be different from those of others. I acknowledge, honor, and respect everyone with a chronic condition, no matter how their symptoms manifest.

    The thing I struggle with the most is not comparing myself to others who aren’t constantly tired. I look at the volunteers in my community and how hard they work, and I am in awe and jealous all at once. Chronic fatigue syndrome has taught me to focus on my own experience of life more. To notice how it feels to live the life I have, even when I sometimes want it to be different.

    I don’t have control over if I get better (believe me, I have tried), but I do have control over the choices I make each day. I can choose to notice that my head hurts and I am feeling nauseous. Both of those are my precious body’s way of saying, “hey, rest is what I need, not more doing.” Being respectful of myself means listening to my body, honoring any emotions I feel about needing to lie down, and giving myself permission to rest in a world that is so very busy.

    I have struggled with this a lot and am much kinder to myself now. I still whine and moan sometimes because my emotional maturity level goes down the more tired I get. Despite this, I am proud of how much easier it is for me to make choices that are in my best interests. I am proud of myself for developing boundaries and finding the courage to speak up about them. I am proud of myself for developing a stronger sense of self worth despite having this condition. I would still like to get better at not comparing my energy to others and not judging myself, but I recognize I am getting better at this. I have such a wonderful life, I don’t want to miss out on it just because I am chronically tired. May we all be blessed with knowing when rest is best and with the ability to be so kind to ourselves.

    I dedicate this post to my beautiful body for teaching me about when rest is best and to chronic fatigue syndrome for helping me polish my interior and exterior so I can shine brighter than ever before despite this condition. May we all be blessed to know how life is always here to help us, even when life isn’t how we want it to be. Big hugs!

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Lovely things to say to yourself

    A wooden boardwalk with hearts lining it on either side.
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    The dogs woke me up at 4:45am this morning and I was pretty irritated at first. I was amazed how quickly I turned my irritation around by saying lovely things to myself. As I walked down the hall to let them out, I said, “You’re doing such a great job, Bradlee,” and “You are such a caring person.” I felt the irritation lift and I was even able to go back to sleep after.

    Are you interested in being kinder to yourself? In saying lovely things to yourself? Especially saying those words you wish others would say to you? I first learned about how to do this in 2015 after watching this inspirational video by Matt Kahn. It’s a long one, but super worth it. It truly gave me the inspiration and easy suggestions to learn how to witness my life and to validate myself while I live it.

    In the spirit of sharing and uplifting all readers, I will share a list of things I find myself often saying to myself. I always feel better when I do this. If I don’t feel better, I ask myself what I need to receive instead, and that usually breaks through the anger, despair or whatever I’m feeling. I’m learning, day by day, to be an expert in being me. I really hope these words inspire you to get a PhD in Being Me too!

    Examples of lovely things to say to yourself:

    • Hey, you just did an awesome job washing the dishes, way to go!
    • Thank you for vacuuming, especially since you were so tired. I really appreciate you.
    • You nailed that presentation at work today honey, woohoo!
    • I’m so proud of you, you used your voice to speak up about your boundaries so well.
    • That was a really good, clear email you wrote at work. Well done!
    • Way to take a few minutes to lie down, breathe and relax before moving onto your next task.
    • You did a great job pulling food out of the freezer to make sure you could make healthy meals.
    • You did such a good job honoring yourself today. You recognized you had limited energy, and you ordered groceries online, and cooked simpler foods for meals.
    • You spoke up about what your intuition told you instead of doubting yourself! Nice work. I hope you know how trustworthy you are going forward!
    • I’m so proud of you for recognizing that you needed time to yourself today and for taking it.
    • You did a good job relaxing while you were walking the dogs. You also were a rock star in keeping them from pulling you to the back of the forest.
    • You are such a tender, sweet and caring person. You are very good at loving your family and caring for others.
    • I can tell you are strained and anxious right now. I super honor you. Is there anything I can do for you?
    • Oh man, you are doing a great job of thinking massively resentful thoughts. Is there something I can do for you? I know there’s still laundry to do and dishes to wash, but you matter more.

    These are just a sample of things I may say to myself at various points in the day. I need to say these lovely, caring things to myself especially on days when I am really tired or feeling anxious or overwhelmed. I’d greatly welcome comments about which of these feels good to you or what you say to yourself that makes you feel good!

    Let’s do this! Let’s choose to honor and love ourselves! Let’s choose to be kind to the most important people in our lives, but especially ourselves.

    Big hugs! xoxoxoox

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Beyond the Breaking Point

    Image from space of ice fractures in the Beaufort Sea.
    Extensive Ice Fractures in the Beaufort Sea by NASA Goddard Photo and Video is licensed under CC-BY 2.0

    In my previous post, I wrote about being at the breaking point. It was a post overflowing with the rawness of emotion I was experiencing at the time. Writing that post gave me courage to be with myself when I was so angry, disappointed and violated. It helped me understand that I didn’t need to know what was coming next, yet.

    Here I am a few days later and I am so grateful for this experience. It taught me that I am my own fiercest protector. In the face of disrespectful behavior, I rose up within myself to see it for what it was and to say enough. I was flooded with a whole spectrum of emotions, all of which I was able to embrace as completely valid. I didn’t have my next steps ready, instead I just gave those huge emotions space to breath and to guide me to what was next.

    This is new territory for me because in the past, I just micro-managed myself, trying to fit into the mold of who I thought I should be. I’ve been unlearning all of that, and I am learning to live my own life, according to my rules, my beliefs, my values and my feelings. It is a gorgeously transformative process that has been incredibly beautiful, rewarding, and exhausting.

    The next morning after writing that post, my next steps became clear. My limits and boundaries had been violated so severely and I was radiating with a giant, booming, “NO MORE,” in the cells of my body. I knew that I owed it to myself to follow those feelings and to make decisions that would allow me to be in a healthier, more respectful environment. In the past, I used to think I had to stay and suffer through it, or try to reason my way through abusive behavior, or make excuses for those being disrespectful. This may be the among the rare times when I heard the “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” scream within me and gave myself permission to act on it. May this be more of my reality going forward (and yours too if this resonates with you).

    I’m learning how to be an expert in me, by working towards getting a PhD in Being Me, and I took major steps forward during this experience. It felt holistic and pure and straight from within me. I didn’t look to others to confirm my next steps, I make those decisions from that inner roar and man, it felt so super good.

    By Friday evening, I was exhausted and depleted and yesterday too. I know how much energy it takes to learn new ways of being and to follow ones instincts in a world full of advice, fads and ways of being. I rode those waves of exhaustion and made sure to praise myself for following my inner voice, for protecting my innocence, for knowing I was worthy of having my boundaries respected and for taking steps to make sure major boundary violations wouldn’t happen again. I was gentle with myself as I went through this and I am smiling while typing this. It feels very good to be learning to honor myself from the inside out.

    If you are in need of gentleness, I support you. I am with you. I haven’t gotten to this place overnight. It has been a life long process, one that has been agonizingly slow at times. It is my hope that in sharing my journey, it will help connect you to what is best for you in your life. I would never dream of making any reader think that they need to do exactly what I am doing. Rather, it is my dream that you, dear reader, may be so full of love, inspiration and hope after visiting this blog that it makes your life easier and gentler.

    May you follow the breadcrumbs of light that I am leaving behind as I walk, type and learn to live from my power. May they lead you to your inner voice and power. May you rise up within yourself, in your own way, to live your life from the inside out, in all of your brilliance and authenticity, despite anything you’ve ever been told about what is wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. We are beautiful humans, being pushed to the breaking point, so we may see what’s on the other side.

    Pssst, I have a secret. I think it’s only freedom, power and greater confidence. Look out world, here we come with songs of hope, torches of light and an abundance of love and healing.

    Big hugs!! xoxoxoxoox

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • The Breaking Point

    Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

    I’ve been feeling more of my power coming to the forefront of my inner world lately and it’s been wonderful.  Today I had an experience that deeply insulted, offended and angered me.  After it was over, I felt like I was in shock, and I needed time to settle back into myself.  I was in shock over how rude, insensitive and condescending people can be, and how so many others seem to support that type of behavior.  I have been a human for 43 years now, and the more I open my heart and lead with my vulnerability, the more I am shocked and appalled by the worst aspects of humanity. 

    Shortly afterwards, I had to excuse myself in order to cry and let my feelings out.  I remember wanting to rationalize and justify things to myself, instead I chose to love the one who needed to break down and shed many tears.  That felt so much better to me, to just give myself permission to be overcome with emotion and to embrace the one who felt trampled and abused.  As the day went on, I continued to embrace and hold space for my precious innocence as I grieved and felt the shock.  I really felt like I got further in getting a PhD in Being Me today.

    As the day went on, I got angry.  I learned how my anger is a way to respond to a pretty intense violation of my precious inner space and outer boundaries.  I started cherishing that anger and I could see images in my mind of me becoming a dragon and breathing flames everywhere, not in a destructive way, but in a powerful, “not again” way.  Writing this is one of the things I am choosing to do to honor myself today, and the sadness that I continue to feel under that anger that is giving me the strength to advocate for myself and to prevent this from happening again.

    I’m still not sure what my next steps are, but I know now that I’ve been growing and I have new tools and new awareness to honor, protect and nurture myself.  I have come very, very, very far in this way.  I remember the days when my only options were to shut down, cry in my choicelessness/helplessness or to deepen my victimhood.  If you resonate with those ways of being, I see you.  I also super honor you.  It is so hard to be choiceless, to feel like a victim and to live from a shut down place.  With every word you read on this blog, may you know that I believe in you.  May you be blessed with all you need to heal from trauma, abuse and other atrocities you’ve experienced and may you be surrounded with a blanket of peace, healing and protection while you heal. 

    Let’s breathe fire together and burn down (metaphorically 😊) all that no longer serves humanity.

    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Shattered Innocence

    A dead flower with snow in the background.
    Photo by Eva Bronzini on Pexels.com

    Sometimes life is just so disappointing, so much so that one’s heart breaks and it feels like all the good inside has died. This poem is about those types of day. As I wrote it, it felt very sad and angry. As I kept writing, I felt like my shattered innocence was giving me a different way to view those disappointments and shattering. Can you see the shift or feel in the poem too? Xoxoxo

    Thanks for reading!

    Shattered Innocence – a poem

    I greeted today with an open heart and much excitement.

    I try to approach every day like that, to be the one who brings love to the world, to the little moments, to every moment.

    It gets impossible though when life seems to want to crush that from within me.

    When it shares the most horrendous secrets of humanity with me and my innocence shatters and expires before I can even react to protect it.

    Humanity seems to have this festering abscess right on it’s heart and it’s wanting to burst open and ooze it’s putrescence over everything.

    I want to rage and scream and stop all of the suffering. I want to slap people and tell them to wake up, to stop, to appreciate life, to appreciate the good in it all. To see how much trauma, suffering and awfulness there is and to choose love. To stop spewing vile hatred and to start the healing.

    AAAARGHHHHH.

    Purest, delicate beauty.

    Tender innocence.

    Soft, gentle and caring heart.

    So perfect, so beautiful and so vulnerable to this world’s vile acts of hatred and suffering.

    Oh my tender, tender innocence.

    I wish I could protect you better, and wrap you up in a soft blanket, like I would a precious newborn, to keep you safe from all the suffering in this world.

    Now that we’ve reconnected, I don’t want to lose you all over again to the darkness and horrendous pain that is spewing out of humanity’s abscess of pain and torture and hatred.

    I see it pulsating and getting thinner just as it explodes sending shards of pain, torture and hatred everywhere.

    I want to shelter you, protect you and stop this hurting you feel.

    Is there anything I can do for you?

    Is there any way I can support you better when you are exposed to such negativity, suffering and unconscionable things?

    Oh, you want to be tucked into my heart for bedtime?

    You’d like me to read you a nice story and remind you of the good in the world?

    Okay, precious one, let’s do that. You are so beautiful, resilient and courageous.

    Please continue to teach me how to nurture you and look after you when you shatter.

    I’m so grateful to learn that the shattering isn’t permanent.

    Thank you for teaching me dearest innocence.

    Thank you.

    An early spring morning sunset
    After writing this, I felt renewed and ready for the day. Just like this beautiful sun rising up in the morning.