PhD in Being Me

Tag: humanity

  • Looking up and ahead instead of down

    A winding pag through trees with orange, red and yellow leaves.

    At some point during the last several years, I started looking down when I walked to make sure I wouldn’t trip or fall.  I have been very delicate and vulnerable mentally and physically so looking down makes sense, even though I have been far from an age where a fall would have been catastrophic.

    I knew I was doing this, but I hadn’t realized just how much that was reflecting how I felt in the world.  How I needed to watch out, be careful and keep an eye out for potential hazards.

    In the fall of 2025, I did an exercise my art therapist suggested to help me focus a bit more outward. I was nailing the “meeting my needs” bit and she suggested I look more broadly at my needs from a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social perspective.  I wrote about my initial efforts with this homework in September https://phdinbeingme.ca/2025/11/10/boundaries/.

    Since that time, I notice that it is easier to look up when I am walking.  Easier to notice aspects of my life that have been neglected due to my health limitations.  Easier to see more of me and life’s possibilities, even while I am unwell with chronic fatigue syndrome and mental health challenges.

    And so, I am finding it easier to remember to look up and ahead, to remember that I am more than my tough days, and that I have survived each tough day so far, and I can do it again.  I can work, slowly but surely, to create safety in my body, mind and heart and celebrate when I give myself kindness and compassion.  I can write what’s in my heart because sharing stories matters and reminds us that we are all connected in our humanity, even if our experiences are different.

    Wherever you are, whether you are looking down or upward, I send you smiles, care and kindness!

    Big hugs! 🌸🌟💖 Bradlee

    Photo of Bradlee smiling, wearing a pink winter hat in front of a snow covered field.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • My humanness is divine

    Photo by Sam Kolder on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem in 2016-2017. I was having a really hard time bridging what I was learning about spirituality and what I hated about myself. It was through writing this poem and a few others that I realized I was resenting my “humanness” and was trying to rise above it. As I wrote this poem, it taught me a more loving way to embrace all of me. There is a lot of joy, power and possibility in this poem. As you read it, I hope it helps you in some way! Big hugs from me to you!

    My humanness is divine – a poem

    I feel like I am split in two

    right under my heart.

    The split came into place

    because I judged my humanness

    as being less than perfect

    as being un-divine.

    Maybe it wasn’t me who started that feeling

    but I have let it continue within me,

    creating a divide and a separation

    and an ultimate judgement.

    I have strived for perfection and in

    doing so, I have pushed down the

    qualities that I perceived as being in the way

    of this false sense of perfection I was seeking.

    I had no idea I was pushing away myself;

    that with each judgement, I was creating

    a burial ground within me of all that I had

    deemed unacceptable and unholy.

    It is time for me to unearth my buried self.

    It is time for me to reclaim and dig out the passage

    between the humanness and the divinity that I am.

    I made it impossible for there to be a connection 
    between the human me and the divine me and the lower

    half of me has been screaming for my attention for years.

    I made it impossible to hear its screams, or at least

    I made it possible for me to ignore them.

    One step at a time, with a shovel of love, I will unbury and reclaim

    all of myself.  With open arms, I will welcome me home

    to my heart from its prison of hatred and shame.

    With apologies and songs of joy I will work, patiently,

    humbly and honestly, in order to create an opening within me

    so that there can be no more forced burials, only

    openness, love, compassion and tenderness.

    All that I shoved down is what makes me human.

    I am God’s perfect child, as a soul and as a human

    and so are we all.

    What have you buried within you? 

    How are its cries for help, for your love and compassion and acceptance

    manifesting in your life, in your health and in your body?

    Hear the cries my dear friends.

    It is time.

    Yes, it is scary, but it is time to hear it and to own up to the truth.

    You are divine.  You can’t hide it anymore.

    Your humanness is holy and I am here to tell you that you can’t bury it

    anymore.  Rise up and walk and open your arms to you.

    You are perfect and holy just as you are

    and you are your own perfect teacher.

    You have been willing to go through all of this just for you.

    It can’t be more perfect than that.

    Find your shovel and humility, they are right there

    in your heart.

    Let me know what you find.

    Much love to you.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.