I love snails. I often pick them up off the road and place them on the plants on the side of the road. I love watching how slowly and deliberately they move along a plant or the ground. They bring their homes wherever they go, and they seem to enjoy taking their time to get where they are going.
When I walk the dogs and I come across a group of snails, I always want to stop and just watch them. For such little, slow-moving creatures, they have such an ability to inspire and bring joy. They remind me that even though I move slowly with chronic fatigue sometimes, I can still inspire and bring joy.
A snail’s life is no less important than a fast cheetah’s, so it makes me wonder why I have put so much pressure on myself to get better and be faster than I am now. I have learned so much from having chronic fatigue syndrome. I am now more effective, efficient, and productive, and I excel at resting and paying attention to my precious body’s cues. Because I have limited energy, I use what I have wisely and only on tasks that matter to me and have high value.
I love how the cute little snails on my road gave me such an opportunity to validate and appreciate myself, even on days where I move slower than a snail.
No matter what pace you can go in your daily life, or how far you go, may you know that your life and you matter and are perfectly valid. Big hugs and thanks for reading.
You matter, no matter how fast or slowly you move through life
Do you ever feel like you need a little space? Gosh, I know I do! If you can relate to the facial expressions below, please read on and check out my video further down ❤️❤️.
I am smiling here and resting my head on my forehead. Sometimes I add some swearing tooThis is my “no, not again” face. It’s usually for the dogs, and may be accompanied by swearingI had fun with these photos. This one is half irritated, half me trying to capture my exasperation for you.
Sometimes, you need a little space. When life feels like too much, when there is too much to do, or too many demands from others on your time. A little space is a free and easy way to rebalance and recharge so you can come back to feeling like yourself.
I fully acknowledge that the more stress and pressure in life, the more space is needed. Sometimes we can give that to ourselves, but sometimes we can’t because we are caretakers, or our work requires it. In this short video, I give a few examples of how you can give yourself some space.
I was inspired to put this post together this afternoon because I needed space big time. It’s felt like a big week, and I am tired out today. My dogs seem to know when I am more tired, and they push the boundaries hard as a result. I yelled at them earlier and just felt so crowded. I recognize this may not seem like a big deal, but I am recovering from a lifetime of letting others take up my personal space, and my dogs are my best teachers. I get so harried and overwhelmed when my boundaries are violated, and I decided to make a change this afternoon to help myself out.
I had a quick errand to run, so I thought that would be a way to get some space. I almost came back home right away, but I decided to pause and consider what would help me the most. I decided to get some gas for my Lovemobile (https://phdinbeingme.ca/2022/07/04/phd-in-being-me-in-action/) and some fries, and it made a huge difference. I don’t think it was about the fries or seeing people at the gas station. I think it was much more about needing to do my own thing, by myself, so I could recharge. And even recognizing that I needed that time out of the house.
From my heart to yours, here are some other ways I have found to get a little space while not leaving my home:
Pulling up weeds is a free way to connect with nature, get your feelings out and be outside
Washing dishes while playing your favorite song
Taking a longer than usual shower or bath and enjoying the feeling of the water
Saying no to demands from everyone and enjoying something that brings pleasure or smiles to your heart
Lying on your bed when you can be alone and spending 5 minutes deep breathing
Looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling and saying nice things to yourself, even if you look and feel like shit. This is very effective for me. It allows me to show up for and see myself, even in my worst moments.
I first really understood the true value of space from Matt Kahn, a spiritual teacher and author who had helped me a lot (www.mattkahn.org). He explained how we need space so we can empty out our energetic recycling bin. He also helped me to know that anger and irritation is a sure sign that space is needed to process, integrate, and empty our recycling bin. I use those emotions as cues to take a few minutes to a few hours to take care of myself.
I sincerely hope this post was helpful for you. If not, I hope you laughed at my hilarious facial expressions. Please share how you give yourself a little space. Big hugs!
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome is sometimes at odds with who I am. I am a big hearted person who loves to connect with others, share hugs, give compassion and acknowledgement and more hugs. Being chronically tired means that I can’t always do that because I don’t have enough physical, energetic or emotional energy to share. I think that is actually the hardest part of it all. The awesome gift in it all is that I have learned to be more discerning. I carefully consider where, when and how to connect with others, so it is really meaningful for me and them.
On Sunday, I got to be a backstage helper at the Kemptville Youth Musical Theatre Company’s production of Matilda. My teen is in the show and it is truly spectacular. I offered to help as a “den mother,” which meant that all I had to do was show up after the performance, help in the dressing rooms, and gently nudge the performers to tidy, put their costumes away and get out of there so everyone could get home to rest or celebrate. I was really tired on Sunday, but I could feel my heart overflowing with love for these youth and the fabulous people who volunteered so many hours to give the youth this incredible, life-building experience. I decided that I was going to go there, tired or not and be me, to the fullest extent of me. I drove to the store, bought healthy juice and granola bars, and then waited excitedly at the theatre for the show to end so I could surround the performers with love, compliments, food and drink.
The amazing Matilda cast!! Photo by Jennifer Boggett Photography
Honestly, seeing them all come backstage after greeting their adoring audience made me overflow and explode with love. I could literally feel myself lighting up that narrow corridor and filling it with love, safety and joy. The performers all had different reactions to my varying exclamations of, “I’m so proud of you, I’m Zara’s mom, I love you all and I brought you snacks and juice instead of being a strict den mother.” It made me feel so good and I could see it uplifting them too.
I am constantly amazed at what happens when I give myself permission to be me, regardless of what other adults around me are doing. I’m 43 and I felt more like my true self in that little hallway than I have in many other situations. I really think the magic ingredient was that I allowed myself to be me, in all of my ridiculous joy, innocence and happiness. It lifted me up for the remainder of the evening and really taught me something really important. I feel my best when I am my authentic self. I definitely got closer to getting a PhD in Being Me that afternoon. Yay for that!
I also want to acknowledge that I was my authentic self while I was showering everyone with lots of love and food, but I didn’t try to hide that I struggle with the symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome and anxiety sometimes. I still had some shy moments and I still had to sit on the floor for a bit to rest. I loved it. I was authentically all of me, no shame, no hiding, no trying to be someone else, I just actually brought all of me and I loved it. I learned to love and appreciate all aspects of me even more during that experience.
May you have many opportunities to witness your glory, no matter how much you may be struggling with certain areas of your life. The ability to shine is so incredible, even for the shortest moments, especially if you are also struggling with overwhelm, despair or turmoil like I do sometimes. No matter where you are at, I honor you. I celebrate you. May you know how special you are and how worthy you are of being seen, heard and witnessed. Every step, no matter how small, counts. And it counts for a lot. There is no rush at the school of PhD in Being Me. There is no curriculum, no set lesson plan. It’s just you, exploring life as you, and learning what makes you feel good, what makes you feel angry or unsafe and adjusting to give yourself more love and support.
PhD in Being Me 