PhD in Being Me

Tag: matt kahn

  • Supported

    Tree tops with a pink and purple sky, with part of a rainbow above them.
    A beautiful rainbow during a sunset this past week!


    It makes such a difference in life to be supported. In the last two months at my work, I have been incredibly supported. It feels so very good! I’ve been learning a new job and putting together a project proposal for an innovative idea. It’s been a really busy time, but it’s felt so wonderful because everyone I’ve been working with has been so supportive, caring and kind.

    My last post was about meeting myself where I am at, and I wanted to provide the upside of how I’ve been feeling over the last month. Even though I was in a time of transition and challenge in my professional and personal life, not all of the transition and challenges were negative. In fact, I could feel how they were here to help me, even if some of the challenges were harder than I wanted them to be.

    The challenge of working on a project proposal was invigorating and fun. I had never done anything like that before, and I reveled in learning everything I needed to learn for that. It was so empowering for me to come up with an innovative idea, and to have so many people interested in sharing their feedback and ideas. I learned how challenges can help us grow, whether it’s because they’re fun challenges, or even unwanted challenges like I had, with our rescue dog really struggling after he got a cut. It sounds like such a simple thing, but my oh my, it was incredibly stressful.

    One thing I learned over the course of this month of transition was the power of asking “how” questions. I learned about this concept from this Matt Kahn video if you’d like to check it out. I’ll explain with an example. This morning, I found myself saying, “oh man, I am so exhausted, what am I going to do?” It is a question I ask myself often as a person with chronic fatigue syndrome. Luckily I don’t spiral in those unhelpful thoughts like I used to (but I still sometimes do!), but I learned how I could ask a “how” question to greater support myself and invite greater inspiration and support from the universe. I decided to try it out, so I asked, “how can I have more emotional, mental, energetic, physical energy in my life?”. Gosh, it felt so much lighter inside of me. Matt taught that it’s important not to look for an answer for that question, but to be open to having inspiration come directly to me.

    No matter where you’re at in your life, may you be supported in all the most beautiful and miraculous ways that will help you. May your challenges bring your growth, and may you be blessed with strength, no matter what types of challenges you are navigating. May you discover the power of asking “how..(insert what you’re looking for, with a positive spin, here)” questions. I’ll end with a how question of my own, “how may I write each blog post to help uplift, inspire, support and nourish my readers.”

    Thanks for reading and may you be well.
    Bradlee

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Different isn’t wrong

    It is very easy as a sensitive, empathic person to think that I am doing something wrong. It happens usually when someone does something differently than me. It is very sad that I automatically assume that I am doing something wrong. Thankfully, I have been learning to nurture myself so that I can embrace the little me who doubts herself and doesn’t think she’s good enough.

    I recently had an experience where I was excited to share something new I tried. One of the responses I received very quickly made me feel like I had done it wrong, even though it had turned out pretty well. The two photos below show how I felt at first (doubting myself, unsure, concerned), and then how I responded a few seconds later (loving and validating myself).

    Bradlee with a look on her face like, "the way I did it wasn't good enough"
    Bradlee with a loving look on her face with a caption saying "your way is very valid honey, it's just different."

    How do you feel when you do something that is different than others? Do you judge yourself? Second guess yourself? Wish you could disappear because you can’t seem to get it right? I am with you. I lived like that for so many years and it is still my default response. Thankfully, I can stop myself, know that I am valid just as I am, and continue on. I still get shaken and I still doubt myself sometimes, but I’m miles from where I once was.

    I learned how to love and compliment myself from Matt Kahn. If you haven’t checked him out, I encourage you to. He is so compassionate, caring, wise and loving. I learned that sensitive, empathic people really need to learn to give love to themselves, because they are generally very good at giving it to others. He teaches about giving yourself compliments and acknowledging the good you do each day. I started doing that in 2015 and it has been a very transformative process. It is very easy to berate and judge yourself, but giving yourself a compliment can be hard, but super, super rewarding.

    For example, I might say, “You know honey, there are lots of ways to do [insert task]. I loved how you tried something new and it turned out. Maybe you just invented a new way of doing things.” Or I might say, “Things are starting to feel hard this evening. You’ve done so well today, how about you take a rest?” Those are little ways I show up for myself now and it has created a buffer that helps me deal with negativity, judgement or different ways of doing things.

    You’re doing great. Even if you feel terrible or things are going terribly, you are still wonderful. You are so worthy of love, compliments, care and attention. I honor you and your uniqueness and you are so much more than your circumstances. No matter what, may you know that you are still valid, even if you do things differently than others. I send you big hugs!

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.