PhD in Being Me

Tag: poems

  • At the end

    Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

    At the end – a poem

    At the end

    I am emptied out

    I am numb

    I am a shell of myself

    Is this bad?

    Is this the true end?

    Or is this the end of who I used to be?

    Of how I used to relate to the world?

    All of this death, these endings, they keep leading me to a brighter, more true existence

    As the gentle, sensitive, loving and caring person I am

    Life is handing me my heart

    And it is bathed in the purest, most gorgeous light

    I can see it and feel its purity and brilliance

    All while everything within and around me is crumbling

    It is the façade of me and all I thought I should be

    All turning to rubble, cascading down my emerging self

    To reveal that gorgeous light

    My heart is beating irregularly, it senses the end

    May it also sense the new beginning

    The emergence

    Of me

    Glorious me

    Reborn at the same time as spring

    Ready to blossom and grow but still needing time to strengthen

    My stem before my leaves can reach and be nourished by that golden light that shines from above and from within me

    I am here

    At the end

    At the beginning

    Emptied out, only so I fill up once again

    With all the beauty and light that has been waiting for me

    To fill me to overflowing so I can share my abundant love with those who are withering, dying, crumbling and emptying out

    I am here

    I will sing out

    All is well

    Rest now and know that you too will fill up

    All in due time

    Be still my dear one

    I love you

    A note from me:

    Sometimes I hear the whispers of a poem inside of me and I hurry to the computer to help it come alive. Other times, I only hear it and don’t act on the whispers. I am grateful I acted on it this time. This poem gave me comfort and peace. It helped me understand life’s rhythms more deeply and allowed me to relax into them, instead of struggling against their tide. It also gave me more confidence, it helped me to realize that there is much freedom that comes from the emptying out and filling up. I realized that at the end, there is only another beginning. Wherever you are in life, overwhelmed, excited, depressed, happy, anxious or raging, I honor you. May these words bring you comfort as you live through life’s rhythms.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Shedding more than just my skin

    A green and white striped snake curled up on a branch.
    Photo by Stephen Joel on Pexels.com

    Today, I feel like I am a snake who is getting ready to shed my skin. Except that I I don’t want to just shed my skin, I want to shed more.

    I want to shed my old, victim like ways.

    I want to shed this safe resting place that I have taken shelter and refuge in.

    I want to shed this fear and the echoes of trauma that keep calling and calling to me.

    I want to shed this little prison and its shackles so I can explore the rest of me, the rest of life, the entirety of my potential to grow, expand, shine and make a beautiful difference in the world.

    Here I am, like the snake in the picture, except, I have one eye open.

    That eye is looking outward, feeling the fire and rage within and it’s gauging if today is the day to shed it all.

    I take a deep breath in. I smile and roar within me and open both eyes and climb off that safe branch.

    I stretch as far as I can, both into and away from myself.

    I feel the layers of the old, flaking and crumbling off of me as I slither and stretch and climb up, and up, and up to a new view point on life.

    I start to feel more free, less encumbered, weighed down and trapped by the confines of my previous existence.

    I open my mouth and feel a roar coming up from within me. A roar that makes no sense because up until now I’ve been a roar-less snake who has been curled up, safe and protected from harm and from my past.

    But today, I have shed my old self and I am a lion. A proud, strong and gorgeous lion with a roar that shakes the trees and sends ripples into the oceans.

    A female lion roaring. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is wide open.
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    I am a lion, one who has walked the Earth for millennia, bringing new life, power and strength to all who see and hear me.

    I am a lion, fierce, proud, and scarred from battles but ready to stand strong and fight for myself and for those who are healing. The ones who are curled up and incubating in the echoes of their past until it is their time to shed the old and walk the Earth anew. Afire. Awash with their strength. Full of roars and power. Just like I am becoming today.

    Here I am Life. Hear me roar. I am Mighty. I am ancient and brand new. I am both a whisper and a mighty roar. I am it All, re-arisen from the ashes of my past, with a new body, new skin, new image, and new confidence. I am roaring and I am glorious.

    To those who can’t yet roar, I am here, roaring, prowling, and making the path clear and safe for you, for your emergence, for your shedding and for your transformation.

    For you and for us, I roar. In honor of our collective pain, traumas, and past, I roar. Peace be with you as you rest, incubate and heal. I will be here, ready to rejoice when we can roar together and set our world free.

    A close up of a male lion's face. He is beautiful, strong and fierce.
    Photo by Alexas Fotos on Pexels.com

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.