I’ve been feeling more of my power coming to the forefront of my inner world lately and it’s been wonderful. Today I had an experience that deeply insulted, offended and angered me. After it was over, I felt like I was in shock, and I needed time to settle back into myself. I was in shock over how rude, insensitive and condescending people can be, and how so many others seem to support that type of behavior. I have been a human for 43 years now, and the more I open my heart and lead with my vulnerability, the more I am shocked and appalled by the worst aspects of humanity.
Shortly afterwards, I had to excuse myself in order to cry and let my feelings out. I remember wanting to rationalize and justify things to myself, instead I chose to love the one who needed to break down and shed many tears. That felt so much better to me, to just give myself permission to be overcome with emotion and to embrace the one who felt trampled and abused. As the day went on, I continued to embrace and hold space for my precious innocence as I grieved and felt the shock. I really felt like I got further in getting a PhD in Being Me today.
As the day went on, I got angry. I learned how my anger is a way to respond to a pretty intense violation of my precious inner space and outer boundaries. I started cherishing that anger and I could see images in my mind of me becoming a dragon and breathing flames everywhere, not in a destructive way, but in a powerful, “not again” way. Writing this is one of the things I am choosing to do to honor myself today, and the sadness that I continue to feel under that anger that is giving me the strength to advocate for myself and to prevent this from happening again.
I’m still not sure what my next steps are, but I know now that I’ve been growing and I have new tools and new awareness to honor, protect and nurture myself. I have come very, very, very far in this way. I remember the days when my only options were to shut down, cry in my choicelessness/helplessness or to deepen my victimhood. If you resonate with those ways of being, I see you. I also super honor you. It is so hard to be choiceless, to feel like a victim and to live from a shut down place. With every word you read on this blog, may you know that I believe in you. May you be blessed with all you need to heal from trauma, abuse and other atrocities you’ve experienced and may you be surrounded with a blanket of peace, healing and protection while you heal.
Let’s breathe fire together and burn down (metaphorically 😊) all that no longer serves humanity.
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 