Sneak peek: loving video at the end of this post!
Since I started getting progressively more tired with chronic fatigue syndrome, I thought I was getting weaker. It can be easy to associate any condition or change in abilities with weakness. I felt the same about how anxious I was getting over the years. It turns out I was wrong. Learning to cope with challenges and unexpected realities creates strength and resilience, not weakness.
For a long time, I hid how tired I was, and I didn’t talk about how hard it was, even with my doctor and naturopath. I felt this absurd need to downplay my symptoms. Through many hardships in my personal and professional, I learned just how much shame I was experiencing. I think I needed to soak in that shame so I could find my self-worth and rise up despite my diagnosis. I feel like I could write a book about this subject and I really hope to in the future. There is something so magical about struggling and suffering yet finding one’s way through. It is so beautiful and inspiring, and I hope to uplift and support others by sharing deeply about my struggles to embrace, accept, know, and love myself.
I had so many loving and supportive people who validated me, even when I didn’t think I was good enough. My family first helped me see that I am physically and emotionally strong even though I am always tired. They supported me through the shame and unworthiness I felt about it. My beautiful friend Jana helped me with that, too, when I easily moved a heavy umbrella stand. And Georgette coached me through the fears I had about taking big steps to reclaim my power. K taught me that there are cycles in life and that it’s okay not to give 100% all the time. I remember how incredibly powerful their help and support was. I am so grateful to all my friends, family, and colleagues who loved and appreciated me for me, regardless of how tired or anxious I was (or am). I hadn’t recognized how small, not good enough and incapable I felt just because I am chronically exhausted.
With every supportive and encouraging word from family, friends, colleagues and that I learned to give to myself, I started reclaiming my worth and my physical and emotional strength. Learning to honor myself and my precious body has been life changing for me, too. Developing my self-worth has helped me make healthier and more confident decisions in my life, including recognizing and enforcing boundaries, eating ways that give me more energy and other healthy habits. Tremendous good has come out of having chronic fatigue syndrome. Through perceiving myself as weak, I have found true strength, what a beautiful gift. My strength still wavers at times, but now that I have found it, I won’t lose it again.
Even though we face challenges in life, whether they are imposed on us by society or not, whether they are temporary or permanent, physical, mental, emotional, or financial, or the result of longstanding systemic racism and oppression, we are still strong. Challenges of any kind don’t make us weak. If anything, they make us more resilient.
May we all rise up and reclaim our inner power and strength and dissolve all barriers so we may have true equity, unity, harmony and acceptance within our hearts, bodies, minds, societies, cultures and countries. May we all be blessed to have loving and supportive people to share our lives with too!
In closing, I am sharing a video with a special message and some deep breaths from my heart to yours ❤️.
Note: I have not suffered the effects of systemic racism and oppression as a white, cisgender woman of Lebanese and Italian ancestry. I wanted to include reference to those who deal with that on a daily basis to honor their strength and resilience. And to highlight my commitment as an ally who is learning and applying what I learn each day. May those oppressive and racist systems be completely transformed and resolved for the well-being of all humanity.
PhD in Being Me 