At some point during the last several years, I started looking down when I walked to make sure I wouldn’t trip or fall. I have been very delicate and vulnerable mentally and physically so looking down makes sense, even though I have been far from an age where a fall would have been catastrophic.
I knew I was doing this, but I hadn’t realized just how much that was reflecting how I felt in the world. How I needed to watch out, be careful and keep an eye out for potential hazards.
In the fall of 2025, I did an exercise my art therapist suggested to help me focus a bit more outward. I was nailing the “meeting my needs” bit and she suggested I look more broadly at my needs from a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social perspective. I wrote about my initial efforts with this homework in September https://phdinbeingme.ca/2025/11/10/boundaries/.
Since that time, I notice that it is easier to look up when I am walking. Easier to notice aspects of my life that have been neglected due to my health limitations. Easier to see more of me and life’s possibilities, even while I am unwell with chronic fatigue syndrome and mental health challenges.
And so, I am finding it easier to remember to look up and ahead, to remember that I am more than my tough days, and that I have survived each tough day so far, and I can do it again. I can work, slowly but surely, to create safety in my body, mind and heart and celebrate when I give myself kindness and compassion. I can write what’s in my heart because sharing stories matters and reminds us that we are all connected in our humanity, even if our experiences are different.
Wherever you are, whether you are looking down or upward, I send you smiles, care and kindness!
Learning to fly takes practice, and sometimes going back to our nest is required xoxoxo
I used to think that I was broken because I can feel things so deeply in my mind, body, soul and heart. I used to think I was not good enough because I was always working on myself.
In writing on this blog, and reading my beautiful friend Carla’s comments, and the comments of some other fabulous friends on Facebook, I can see that I have been looking at myself all wrong.
As I’m working on myself and learning to get a PhD in Being Me, I’m not broken. I am damn good enough. What I’m doing is building resilience. I’m not repairing or fixing myself, I am learning to be me, and what I need to do to thrive in this world as me.
What do you need dearest reader? What can I write about that will help you become more resilient, and to embody more of you? Please share in the comments or on the Contact me page. You matter and I care very much about what I write for you. I invite you to help me meet your needs better by sharing with me!
Big hugs!
A 4 minute video about my struggles and how I am building resilience each time I make it through hardship
Image of me flexing my muscles in celebration of finding strength within me
Sneak peek: loving video at the end of this post!
Since I started getting progressively more tired with chronic fatigue syndrome, I thought I was getting weaker. It can be easy to associate any condition or change in abilities with weakness. I felt the same about how anxious I was getting over the years. It turns out I was wrong. Learning to cope with challenges and unexpected realities creates strength and resilience, not weakness.
For a long time, I hid how tired I was, and I didn’t talk about how hard it was, even with my doctor and naturopath. I felt this absurd need to downplay my symptoms. Through many hardships in my personal and professional, I learned just how much shame I was experiencing. I think I needed to soak in that shame so I could find my self-worth and rise up despite my diagnosis. I feel like I could write a book about this subject and I really hope to in the future. There is something so magical about struggling and suffering yet finding one’s way through. It is so beautiful and inspiring, and I hope to uplift and support others by sharing deeply about my struggles to embrace, accept, know, and love myself.
I had so many loving and supportive people who validated me, even when I didn’t think I was good enough. My family first helped me see that I am physically and emotionally strong even though I am always tired. They supported me through the shame and unworthiness I felt about it. My beautiful friend Jana helped me with that, too, when I easily moved a heavy umbrella stand. And Georgette coached me through the fears I had about taking big steps to reclaim my power. K taught me that there are cycles in life and that it’s okay not to give 100% all the time. I remember how incredibly powerful their help and support was. I am so grateful to all my friends, family, and colleagues who loved and appreciated me for me, regardless of how tired or anxious I was (or am). I hadn’t recognized how small, not good enough and incapable I felt just because I am chronically exhausted.
With every supportive and encouraging word from family, friends, colleagues and that I learned to give to myself, I started reclaiming my worth and my physical and emotional strength. Learning to honor myself and my precious body has been life changing for me, too. Developing my self-worth has helped me make healthier and more confident decisions in my life, including recognizing and enforcing boundaries, eating ways that give me more energy and other healthy habits. Tremendous good has come out of having chronic fatigue syndrome. Through perceiving myself as weak, I have found true strength, what a beautiful gift. My strength still wavers at times, but now that I have found it, I won’t lose it again.
Even though we face challenges in life, whether they are imposed on us by society or not, whether they are temporary or permanent, physical, mental, emotional, or financial, or the result of longstanding systemic racism and oppression, we are still strong. Challenges of any kind don’t make us weak. If anything, they make us more resilient.
May we all rise up and reclaim our inner power and strength and dissolve all barriers so we may have true equity, unity, harmony and acceptance within our hearts, bodies, minds, societies, cultures and countries. May we all be blessed to have loving and supportive people to share our lives with too!
In closing, I am sharing a video with a special message and some deep breaths from my heart to yours ❤️.
A short video to anchor the message of finding strength, self-love and self-worth especially through challenges
Note: I have not suffered the effects of systemic racism and oppression as a white, cisgender woman of Lebanese and Italian ancestry. I wanted to include reference to those who deal with that on a daily basis to honor their strength and resilience. And to highlight my commitment as an ally who is learning and applying what I learn each day. May those oppressive and racist systems be completely transformed and resolved for the well-being of all humanity.
PhD in Being Me 