Tag: self-help

  • It all counts

    Painting of a yellow sun with a red heart in the center, with a little Bradlee drawn in the middle.

    No matter what your life experience has been or is today, it all counts.  And it all matters.  You matter.

    Even if you wish things could have been different or if you’ve just figured out something that has been impacting your whole life, you matter and it all counts as valid life experience.  Your life is precious.  Your story matters.  Your experience matters, especially if others have told you that you don’t matter or that you just needed to get over yourself.

    I love connecting with people and hearing their stories.  I love listening, asking questions, holding space and sharing.  We all have such different experiences and perspectives and there is something magical when two people can sit and be witnesses for each other’s lives.  One of the hardest parts of having chronic fatigue syndrome is not having the energy to do this as often as I would like.  Instead, it’s been teaching me to do the same for myself.  To hold space for me, and to be a witness for what is ready to be shared. 

    As I’ve been doing this, I’ve been seeing just how valid my life is, regardless of how unwell I’ve been.  All of my life experience counts, none of it is less important or valid because I’ve been struggling.  I wanted to write to share this message in case you needed it too 💖.

    I am turning 46 next week and I have spent most of my life trying to be what others have told me I should be or what I felt I needed to be to be safe and to survive.  This morning, I was feeling sad about my relationship with my dog and how it’s been rather tumultous because of my past.  I love her dearly so I was hugging her and thanking her for sticking with me and being such a dedicated teacher.  She’s been helping me reach some of the most hurt parts of myself. 

    Anyway, I was petting her and loving her and I realized that all of our experiences together count.  It all counts, even if it’s been messy.  I’ve been trying so hard to overcome my patterning and trauma and she’s been right there with me, encouraging me and being patient with me as she kept pushing me to get there.  One day, I really think I’ll write a mini-book about my relationship with precious Maggie, but for now, I wanted to share how she inspired me to see that I haven’t lost anything.  I don’t have to make up for lost time or try to catch up.  Our relationship has been exactly what it’s needed to be and she is okay with that.  She has held space for me to grieve, rage, grow, heal and do it all over again for the last 10 years.  It all counts.  She came into my life for a reason and it all counts. 

    And so, I take a deep breath and let it out.  And again.  I smile. I hug myself. And I know that there is peace in the messy and in my unraveling.  No matter how you are doing, please know that you count, your life matters, all of it counts and all of you counts. 

    Peace be with you 🌟♥️🌟♥️, Bradlee

    This is me and part of Maggie from yesterday, she is a precious cutie pie.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2025.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Building up my inner resources

    A pink heart with three pink and purple lines going through it, with supportive words on the lines.
    Resourcing art – I am worthy of taking this time to reset, rest and heal

    In the last year, I have been learning the concept of “resourcing.”  The way I understand it, resourcing is a way of building up your inner resources of reserves through doing things that nourish you and replenish you.  I started really delving into making resourcing art after I started working with an incredibly wonderful and supportive art therapist in February 2025.  She taught me that it’s important to build up your resources before delving into heavy topics, like trauma, and that it’s important to do that afterwards too. 

    I go through time periods where so much healing happens over the course of a few weeks, and she’s taught me that I packed my bags, went on the journey, climbed the mountain (the grit phase) and then afterwards I need to give myself grace, and unpack the bags, and build up my resources before the next adventure/exploration of my inner world.

    I love that concept so much.  It helps me be kinder to myself and to know that I can listen to the rhythms of my body and heart and follow them without shame or judgement.  It’s like a breath of fresh air. 

    I went through a lot of healing in November of this year, and for the past few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of resourcing.  For me that looks like following along with various deep breathing meditations, doing activities to stimulate the rest and digest part of my nervous system, doing lymphatic system exercises, going for a few more short walks, and doing some nourishing resourcing art. 

    Here are a few examples of my resourcing art from the last year:

    A painting of the sea with 5 cartoon like sea creatures.
    I had so much fun painting these guys from a go fish deck of cards
    A water color painting of leaves falling off a tree, with healing words written in the trunk.
    I used an art book for kids for inspiration for this one
    A painting with three otters (two of them with babies), floating in the water, with loving messages written in the sky above them.
    Otters make me so happy!
    A Christmas collage with fun Christmas papers
    I cut out Christmas paper into Christmas shapes and made a super cute scene

    Resourcing art for me is not about trying to be really good at art, it’s more about letting my younger self have some fun and be soothed through creativity, and focus.  I have also been copying some designs from a beautiful art book I borrowed from the library and there is something so soothing about following directions to make the art.  It’s takes the thought out of it and just allows me to relax and create.  Here are some examples:

    Sketches of hearts and diamonds with dangling charms hanging off them.
    My art based on Olivia A. Kneibler’s book, “The Art of Drawing Dangles.”

    What I love most about resourcing art and other resourcing activities is that they give me a chance to tune in to what I need.  It’s lovely to take a moment and get quiet to learn what I need in that moment, or if I can’t get quiet inside, then to just start copying some art out and allowing it to soothe me.  I find puzzles very soothing too, especially if my mind is racing.  It gives me a chance to organize the pieces, which apparently stimulates dopamine, which is a feel good chemical in the brain.

    As we approach the end of 2025, may we all be inspired with creative, caring and compassionate ways to meet ourselves where we are and to take some time to identify what will help us feel more balanced, happy, healthy and at peace.

    With lots of care, Bradlee 💕💕

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2025.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Being here

    A double rainbow
    A double rainbow

    If you’ve visited my blog before, you may know that I’m working on getting a PhD in Being Me.  What does getting a PhD in Being Me mean these days while I am off work to take care of my physical and mental health?  It means:

    • Being here and with myself as I live my life.
    • Being compassionate with myself as I learn more about me and my needs.
    • Developing the inner awareness and courage to notice and act on my needs.
    • Getting to know the parts of me that are protecting my most hurt parts, and feeling how very tired they are through Internal Family Systems work.
    • Noticing when I am putting pressure on myself to get better faster and choosing to have compassion for myself whenever possible.
    • Being here for the days when I just want to be better, and knowing that I’m not always aiming for an A+ in getting a PhD in Being Me, especially on the hard days.  Just being with myself is enough, and that equally counts towards my PhD in Being Me.  And so does all the work I am doing to support myself, which ranges from working with healthcare professionals for my physical and mental health, to making time for fun, lying on the couch, reading, crying and spending time outside.
    • Receiving kindness from others, like my friend who told me about new research that shows that chronic fatigue syndrome can be genetic.  She encouraged me to switch from being hard on myself for having chronic fatigue to managing my symptoms as best as I can.  That kindness went straight to my heart ❤️.
    • Developing my intuition and inner compass by trusting what I feel inside.  For example, trying out what a healthcare professional recommends but noticing if it helps or makes me feel worse, and following what is best for me.
    • Giving myself permission to be exactly as I am.  I’ve been off work for nearly a year, and I’m still coming down from working these last several years with debilitating fatigue. As I relax more into myself and learn more about my realities, I am realizing how exhausted I truly am 💕. 

    May this post inspire you to give yourself a hug and know that I send you one too. 

    Take care, Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2025. All Rights Reserved.

  • Witnessing myself

    Early morning on a misty road
    A misty morning

    Sometimes I feel lonely.

    Sometimes I feel like I wish I could be seen more deeply and completely.

    Sometimes I feel so tired it’s hard to do much.

    Sometimes I feel like my being is surrounded by mist and I need the sun to rise more to transform it.

    Today feels joyous and celebratory, but heavy with a deep mist that has permeated my being.  It’s amazing how I can feel all of that at once.  Isn’t being a human amazing, miraculous, hard and wild?

    I have decided to start writing more.  When I write, I witness myself, and the heavy mists lessen, like I am my own sunshine, rising up within me, bringing light, new possibilities and strength to myself, just like our sun does for us and our planet.

    As I write this, I can already feel the lightness spreading, reminding me of how okay I am, even when my heart needs extra hugs, and especially when my hurts arise and need me to give myself more love, compassion and support.

    And so, I smile, I write, and I unite within me with every word I type.

    A campfire with low flames
    A slow burn campfire

    Last week, I had a campfire with and for myself.  It started out really blazing, and I decided to take a photo when it was at its slow burn point.  I was really struck by the white logs and the small flames dancing between the logs.  It served as a metaphor for my healing journey.  Every day and year, I grow and heal, not in a bonfire way, but in a slow burn way that allows me to feel, process, integrate and heal.

    Do I ever wish I could just hurry it up and be better faster?  YES!  Definitely. But, I know these wounds have been here for a long time, including from generations past, and I am learning to breathe, to be, to honour my wounded parts, and to hold space for them to heal and integrate fully into my beingness.

    And so I breathe, smile, write and relax.  May this post make you feel seen, witnessed and honoured in all the ways that you need.

    I will sign off wishing you all my best, lots of care, and many opportunities to know and feel how special you are.

    Big hugs,

    Bradlee, and Maggie and Archie, respectively, as seen below

    Me and Maggie, my dog, who has golden red fur with a white face
    Maggie and me
    Me and my dog, Archie, who has golden red fur with a white nose
    Archie and me

  • Meeting myself where I am at

    Fall is a time of transition for nature and for us. May we learn to meet our needs with love and compassion whenever we’re in transition.

    It’s been over a month since my last post. That’s the longest I have gone without writing. In truth, I missed it. In reality, I needed to meet myself where I have been at, and take some steps towards greater self-care.

    How does one even go about meeting oneself where they’re at? In my experience, it means recognizing my circumstances and my feelings and noticing how I am doing. For example, in the past month, even checking my social media felt beyond my capacity, let alone posting or commenting on anything. I also noticed that I was more easily anxious, angry and overwhelmed. Those were all cues that helped me to know that I needed to make some adjustments.

    I tried talking about my feelings more, taking more baths, getting into bed earlier, watching more fun shows, and reading more, too. I also tool more breathing breaks throughout my days, and cheered myself on. Those all helped me through, but I could tell that more was needed. It was almost as if the transition to fall was making all of my leaves fall off, and I needed to rest and be still during this time of change. I’d also been feeling like so many unconscious behaviors were coming to the forefront of my days, and it was uncomfortable and messy.

    Meeting myself where I am at. That’s been me the past month, and I am proud of myself for making efforts to make my days gentler during this time of transition. Do you feel the need to meet yourself where you’re at, instead of forcing yourself to be somewhere else? If yes, I invite you to join me and explore your needs, one healthy choice at a time. Big hugs!

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • What about me?

    There is this little and sometimes quite loud voice inside me that whispers or yells, “What about me?”

    A short video to help explain the concepts in this post. May it help you connect with yourself in helpful ways ♥️

    I was listening to a super compassionate meditation on Insight Timer from the Biomedical Institute of Yoga and Meditation and I heard “What about me?” from inside me, quite loudly. For the rest of the day my body hurt and I was completely exhausted. This voice speaks for all the times I felt cast aside, abused, neglected, and forced. It represents so much unprocessed pain about certain aspects of my life. Part of getting a PhD in Being Me is learning to honor and care for yourself when feeling your worst. I felt so terribly, I was feeling more like I was in kindergarten compared to working on a PhD ❤️.

    A day later, I still felt that “What about me” presence. It felt heavy, painful and nearly frantic. To be honest, I can understand those feelings. Listening to that beautiful meditation triggered some of my most traumatic memories and helped me to understand how much pain they truly caused. I honor my “What about me” self. It has good reason to whisper and yell, and it is very justified in coming forward to affirm its presence and role in my life.

    Here I am, feeling so heavy, so unsure of how to hold myself while I acknowledge and feel the pain and anger and exhaustion this part of me has been carrying by herself. I slow down, take deep breaths and follow what my mind, heart and body are asking me to do. I write this post. I listen to beautiful music by Destined Dynamics. I cry and tell my husband about my fears and hurt. By doing these things, I create more space for this bruised, broken, hurt and victimized part of me.

    Going forward, I will hold her and me, until our breath and voices unite and we are together as one. I will look in the mirror and see my pain and my resilience and smile. I will feel the pain inside me. I will rise up because the root has showed me how to pull her out of that infertile garden and plant her in my heart, where I can nurture her with the sunlight and rains of my care and attention. I love you Miss What About Me. You matter and you are worthy. Thank you for revealing yourself to me, please teach me how best to care for you.

    If you are working through living with a chronic physical or mental health condition (I have chronic fatigue syndrome and anxiety), or are working through trauma of any kind, I see you and I am with you. You matter and I wish you so much ease, love, gentleness and care. Big hugs.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • So worthy

    The sky is gorgeous and so are you

    Over the past few days, I have been witnessing and hearing about people being treated as less than. It really bothers me, and I get really angry and want to change our world for the better. I know that hurt people hurt people, but I can’t help but feel like we should all be able to get along.

    If you are being mistreated, cast aside, ignored, persecuted, or abused, I stand with you. I am with you, and you are so worthy.

    For every time you feel down, please read these words and be reminded that you matter and you are lovely, just as you are.

    Our world values numbers, productivity, and profits over people. You are so much more than a human resource and a human doing. You are a beautiful being, and may you know and feel your beauty, truth, and worth, no matter how you are being treated.

    May you be blessed with an abundance of support, safety, courage, and strength to leave unhealthy situations.

    May you know how worthy you are of being well treated and being in healthy environments with compassionate people.

    May we all rise up to live from our inner power so we can create true equity for all.

    I stand with you, I honor you, and I am cheering you on.

    Me sending you lots of love and saying, “I see you and you are so worthy.”

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Cultivating strength through weakness and hardship

    Image of Bradlee flexing her right arm and smiling.
    Image of me flexing my muscles in celebration of finding strength within me

    Sneak peek: loving video at the end of this post!

    Since I started getting progressively more tired with chronic fatigue syndrome, I thought I was getting weaker.  It can be easy to associate any condition or change in abilities with weakness.  I felt the same about how anxious I was getting over the years.  It turns out I was wrong.  Learning to cope with challenges and unexpected realities creates strength and resilience, not weakness.

    For a long time, I hid how tired I was, and I didn’t talk about how hard it was, even with my doctor and naturopath. I felt this absurd need to downplay my symptoms. Through many hardships in my personal and professional, I learned just how much shame I was experiencing. I think I needed to soak in that shame so I could find my self-worth and rise up despite my diagnosis. I feel like I could write a book about this subject and I really hope to in the future. There is something so magical about struggling and suffering yet finding one’s way through. It is so beautiful and inspiring, and I hope to uplift and support others by sharing deeply about my struggles to embrace, accept, know, and love myself.

    I had so many loving and supportive people who validated me, even when I didn’t think I was good enough. My family first helped me see that I am physically and emotionally strong even though I am always tired.  They supported me through the shame and unworthiness I felt about it. My beautiful friend Jana helped me with that, too, when I easily moved a heavy umbrella stand. And Georgette coached me through the fears I had about taking big steps to reclaim my power. K taught me that there are cycles in life and that it’s okay not to give 100% all the time. I remember how incredibly powerful their help and support was. I am so grateful to all my friends, family, and colleagues who loved and appreciated me for me, regardless of how tired or anxious I was (or am).  I hadn’t recognized how small, not good enough and incapable I felt just because I am chronically exhausted.

    With every supportive and encouraging word from family, friends, colleagues and that I learned to give to myself, I started reclaiming my worth and my physical and emotional strength.  Learning to honor myself and my precious body has been life changing for me, too.  Developing my self-worth has helped me make healthier and more confident decisions in my life, including recognizing and enforcing boundaries, eating ways that give me more energy and other healthy habits.  Tremendous good has come out of having chronic fatigue syndrome.  Through perceiving myself as weak, I have found true strength, what a beautiful gift.  My strength still wavers at times, but now that I have found it, I won’t lose it again.

    Even though we face challenges in life, whether they are imposed on us by society or not, whether they are temporary or permanent, physical, mental, emotional, or financial, or the result of longstanding systemic racism and oppression, we are still strong.  Challenges of any kind don’t make us weak.  If anything, they make us more resilient. 

    May we all rise up and reclaim our inner power and strength and dissolve all barriers so we may have true equity, unity, harmony and acceptance within our hearts, bodies, minds, societies, cultures and countries. May we all be blessed to have loving and supportive people to share our lives with too!

    In closing, I am sharing a video with a special message and some deep breaths from my heart to yours ❤️.

    A short video to anchor the message of finding strength, self-love and self-worth especially through challenges

    Note: I have not suffered the effects of systemic racism and oppression as a white, cisgender woman of Lebanese and Italian ancestry.  I wanted to include reference to those who deal with that on a daily basis to honor their strength and resilience. And to highlight my commitment as an ally who is learning and applying what I learn each day. May those oppressive and racist systems be completely transformed and resolved for the well-being of all humanity.

  • Missing myself

    Hands holding up two halves of a broken paper heart.
    Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem on February 14, 2019. I remember those days of missing myself, and I still sometimes feel that, although it has a different feeling lately. Like I’ve been missing only certain parts of me that I’m still reclaiming, like my power. I am sharing it with the hope that it inspires anyone else who is missing themselves. Big hugs!

    Missing myself – a poem

    I feel like I’ve been missing myself.

    Just this morning, I have been crying, aware that I have missed me.

    I have been so caught up trying to survive and make it through in the past few months that I have been missing myself.

    It is a good feeling in a way, because it means I’ve noticed and it is time to figure out how to spend more time with me, instead of rushing around all the time, trying to make things right outside of me and for other people.

    Imagine how weird that is…I am right here, but yet I have missed myself.

    There is a massive depth to me and when I am in survival mode, I am only living from the surface of me.

    My depths are crying out for me to return to them, to bring the depths up to the surface so that I may exist in a more whole and complete way and as a result, I may bring more blessings, health and abundance to myself and to all of those I interact with.

    Here I am, vulnerable and raw, sinking into the depths of me, while they rise to meet me.

    What a holy day.

    Interestingly enough, it is Valentine’s Day today.  May I be reunited with all that I am, in a true sacred union that needs no flowers, chocolates or cards.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Lightning and thunder

    Lightning in the sky over a body of water.
    Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.c

    Lightning and thunder – a poem

    These are new feelings for me

    Crackling and burning under the surface of my skin

    Anger and rage wanting to burst out through every aspect of my body

    Exhausted at myself for all the limiting ways I have been relating to life

    For all the power and strength that I buried deep within me

    Mistaking them for anger and aggression

    They are rising up

    Grabbing me by the soul and demanding to be released

    Demanding to be let out of the prison I accidentally created for them

    I thought the doors were open

    That I had flung them wide a few months ago

    But here they are, power and strength raging within me like a thunderstorm

    Deep breath

    Pause

    Take off my rain coat

    Put down the umbrella

    Open all the windows and doors and let the storm rage

    Let it come and cleanse me and release me from the shackles I unknowingly put on

    Deep within the prison cells of my mind, body and spirit

    Thank you thunder and lightning

    Thank you for reminding me of my strength and power

    Thank you for living under my skin and waking me up to the true power of my beingness

    I welcome you thunder and lightning

    Light up my skies

    Liberate me from my prison

    Help me bring healing to the world with your lessons, freedom and power

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.