You know, I have not been okay for the last few months. Fundamentally I am okay, but I have been struggling and overwhelmed with the constant demands in life. I have been asking for support, doing my best, adjusting my expectations of myself, and using tools, but geez, it’s been A LOT!
I was reading the weekly newsletter from Self-Love Rainbow about unmasking and something inside me wiggled with recognition.
According to Self-Love Rainbow,
“Masking is when you hide, suppress, or change parts of yourself or your behaviors so other people don’t see what you’re actually experiencing. It’s common with people who are neurodivergent (which means people whose brains process, respond to, or experience the world differently because of things like autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and many other reasons).”
I didn’t understand that masking was what I was doing. I definitely hide it when I am not doing well and I have tried not to let my big emotions show so I don’t bother or irritate others. I have been told too many times that I am too much, I need to get over myself, shift my thinking, just be more positive, etc. I have even been told that I am too happy and that I need to tone it down.
So, today, I unmask. I say, hey world, this is me. I am deeply caring, cute, sensitive, joyful, sad, powerful, innocent, vulnerable, fierce, optimistic, fantastic, very fond of swearing, and awesome, all rolled into one lovely human, me.
Yes, I have been struggling. Life has been piling things on, and I am not doing okay. But just writing that and admitting it to myself is freeing and makes a difference. I already feel lighter! I am a human, and things have been hard. I am unmasking, and that makes me feel like a fucking rockstar. Thank you Self-Love Rainbow for helping me this morning!
And so, here I am, giving myself compassion, admitting to myself that I am struggling, and leaving it at that. No fixes, no tips or tricks, just giving myself freedom to be exactly as I am, even if I’d rather feel differently.
If you’ve been struggling too, I am with you! In the last few months, I have learned of a loved one’s cancer coming back; navigated my dog’s health issues, quick decline and death; dealt with so many unexpected repairs (plumbing, broken air conditioner, fixing our chicken area because rats moved in, car repairs, mould in the basement, advocating for months to return a defective couch, replacing my special custom-tinted glasses because my dog ate them etc.); worked through my 1.5 years on disability review; prepared for a loved one’s surgery, and just everything else that life requires on a daily basis. No wonder I am not okay.
Yes, there have been super positive things that have happened too, but man, I am overloaded and worn out with how much has needed to be managed, planned for and dealt with. Today, I recognize that, breathe deeply, give myself kindness, compassion and support and see what I can do about meeting my needs today.
I close with sharing some photos of my life 🌸🌟💕, which is beautiful and full of goodness even though it’s been a struggle these last few months. May you receive all the care, support, compassion and love you are craving, from yourself and others 🌸🌸🌸🌸, Bradlee
Take care and may you be well 💕💕
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 