PhD in Being Me

Tag: chronic stress

  • When I don’t have enough of a connection to me

    Image of broken pottery

    Sometimes I feel like I’m missing myself and I seem to have lost me.  This week, I watched a comedy special from Michelle Buteau and I was reading her fabulous book, Survival of the Thickest.  I had a lot going on and those were both making me laugh and feel lighter.  And then I felt this hole inside of me, this missing, and lack of connection.

    It was me, calling to me, asking me to nourish and fill myself up with me.  That missing feeling was guiding me to spend time with myself in ways that could address that lack.  I’m doing that this morning and it feels much better. 

    There are so so many ways to spend one’s time, and it’s easy to miss the call from within about our own needs and what will help meet them.  Especially when living a busy life with work, family, kids/pets/volunteering, etc. 

    During this time of healing, I am learning the importance of attuning to my mind, body and soul to notice my needs.  I am learning that doing that helps regulate the nervous system and can help heal from emotional trauma through being the person that meets your needs.

    It’s amazing how some things that meet my needs one day but not the next.  I think that’s a way to help me tune in more deeply, instead of rotely going through the motions of taking care of myself.  I am learning how to connect with myself and settle more into my body so that I can better feel into my needs.  This is getting easier over time and seems like daunting and overwhelming and more like a healthy and nourishing habit.  I used to TRY so hard to do everything right and now I’m learning to focus on tuning in and listening instead of rushing, fixing, pressuring and trying.  One day at a time 💖.

    And so, for the rest of the day, I’m going to pay attention to myself, rest, and allow myself to be exactly as I am, with some support from me.  I wish you all the best with what your days bring you!  And may kindness and compassion towards yourself be part of your days too!

    With care ♥️, Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Holding space

    A photo in space, of pink and dark purple matter, with darkness all around.

    Well, here I am.  I really feel like writing, and celebrating the desire to write.

    I went for a cold, sunny sky walk with the dogs and I was filled with so much love and possibilities.  I was given an opportunity to see the extent of the possibilities of my life in spite of my physical and mental health challenges.

    I’ve been learning how to ride the waves of my emotions instead of being pulled into every feeling I have.  I was flooded with fear just when I was passing a wide field with a horse and two cows and a tall tree full of singing birds.  There was no immediate danger that I could see, in fact it was a beautiul scene, but I was terrified.  For the first time, I felt that fear coursing through my body and was able to see the beauty around me.  The horse was peeking around the wall of his shelter and was staring right at me.  I held his eyes and then looked at the cute cows, and knew that I could be okay despite the intense feelings in my body. 

    Slowly but surely, and I mean slowly (!), I am learning how to build up my capacity to feel my feelings, and to be stressed and to know that I am okay despite it all.  I’m also learning how to ride the waves of extreme fatigue that I have with chronic fatigue syndrome and to know that I’ll live through it.  Being exhausted for years has really stressed out every aspect of my beingness.  I am so grateful for my therapists, health care professionals and for the Primal Trust program, which is all about healing from the chronic stress response.

    I’m focusing on celebrating my wins, crying when I need to, knowing that I can create trust within myself as I learn to tend to my nervous system and body in new ways.  It’s taken a lot of tough living for me to get here, and I’m so loved, supported and cared for, so my hope for my future is justified. 

    I’m getting my PhD in Being Me each day that I listen to my body and mind and tune into my needs.  I used to think that if I could do everything perfectly, everything would be fine.  Now I see that it’s more about being who I am, exactly as I am, meeting myself where I’m at, learning, being patient, asking for help and loving myself. 

    I hope that you are inspired by what you need each day to get your very own Phd in Being You, because no one else is you and you are very worthy of caring for yourself and being supported.

    Big hugs!  🌸🌟💖 Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.