I am like a birch tree. What no longer serves me is loosening on the surface of my being and is peeling off, just as the birch tree sheds its outer layers of paper like bark.
Sometimes I feel it coming off, and it’s been a part of me for so long that I’d like to glue it back on, but then I breathe, feel it for what it is, learn what it’s there to teach me and allow it to peel off. I made that sound somewhat easy, but it’s really a trial and error process each time, a deep tuning into where I am at each time, and listening to what my needs are in that moment.
This shedding of my outer bark is exciting. For example, I didn’t used to allow myself to express anger. I tried not to feel it too, but usually I would feel it simmering under my skin, threatening to erupt. I was scared of anger and I was fearful of what it could lead me to say or do. As I get closer to my emotions and learn how to hold space for them to be there, to allow them to be, the more familiar I am getting with my anger.
I feel it bubbling up, no longer willing to stay contained, and I am no longer willing to hold it down. I am shedding years worth of holding on, holding back and trying to deny anger a place in my life.
Yesterday, I was angry and upset and I was feeling it. It had me in its grip and it was demanding to be felt, recognized and seen. It was so much easier to feel and express it safely than it has been in the past. I was able to recognize that these feelings, although triggered by something in the present, had very deep roots in my past.
I didn’t want to stifle them, but I also didn’t want to stew in the feelings either. I remember my therapist explaining that being triggered can be seen as a sign for where love, care and attention are needed, so I tried that approach of leaning in to what those feelings were telling me.
I looked at my recent past and saw how many examples of hurtful behavior were directed at me and I appreciated that the anger was very well founded. I talked about my feelings with a safe person, my husband, and he listened to my experiences and validated me, which helped a lot.
Later in the day, I felt like I was stuck in the anger, like the pressure was building and I was no longer a birch tree, but a volcano. I stopped, pulled my attention out of the loops in my mind and asked myself what I might need in that moment. I breathed into my heart and did my best to be present in my body, and I started feeling calmer.
I learned that I was quite hurt and that the best thing I could do after all those realizations was to be hurt, angry and upset but most importantly, to comfort the part of me who was treated that way in the long ago past. Turning towards that part of me and offering her care and compassion helped me a lot and it became a lot easier not to focus just on the recent hurts, but also the good qualities of the person so that I could see the bigger picture.
Acknowledging my hurt helped quell the anger, and it helped me come back home to a part of me that really needed love, care and validation. Afterwards, I felt lighter and like I had shed some of my outer layers of protection, just like the birch tree does.
I have written so many posts about how nature has inspired me to learn more about myself, and this is another example. I feel so grateful to live on 15 acres of land that is so abundant with trees, plants, flowers, wildlife and insects.
May your surroundings help inspire you to learn more about your needs or help you understand yourself better.
Growing and learning with you, 🩷 Bradlee
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026. All Rights Reserved.
