PhD in Being Me

Tag: nature

  • Rejoicing and Grieving

    Forest with pine trees and blue skies and clouds in between the trees
    A quiet spot in the forest where I live

    Rejoicing and grieving.

    Two seemingly opposing feelings, and yet, I have felt them both most of the week.

    I wonder if that is how a birch tree feels? It is always growing, yet shedding its bark.

    A close up image of the bark on a birch tree peeling off.
    A beautiful golden birch from the back of our quiet, majestic forest

    I learn a lot from nature. It is always teaching me how to relate to myself more kindly and how to interpret and understand my emotions and experiences.

    This week, I witnessed a rare total solar eclipse and it was breathtaking.  I felt all tingly and warm in my body and I felt my soul being held, nurtured and inspired during the 2 minutes of totality.  And yet, afterwards, especially the next day, I felt more delicate, disappointed and angry.  While those emotions were arising, I was also rejoicing in the total beauty and awesomeness that I felt from the totality.  It was like I was being opened up to release some hurt while also celebrating the gorgeousness of what I witnessed. 

    This theme continued throughout the week.  For example, I was grieving the loss of innocence I experienced as a result of traumatic events in my life, and yet, somehow, I was also celebrating my awareness of the impacts of those tough times, which lessened my inner load and helped me feel more free and empowered.

    Also, yesterday I had the honour of volunteering at and attending a local youth musical theatre production of The Little Mermaid that my teen and 28 other super talented youth performed.  I was filled with joy and awe as I listened as a young actress sang as Ariel.  Her voice was so heavenly, I literally felt like I was being blessed and filled with love as she sang.  It was truly incredible.  I was rejoicing in the abundance of talent, dedication, and overall fabulousness of everyone involved. 

    This morning, I am still revelling and rejoicing but also mourning.  I remember when I was younger and I played so many sports and participated in so many activities.  Having chronic fatigue syndrome gives me many opportunities to rejoice in the healthy and wise choices I make to take care of myself.  Conversely, I also mourn the loss of energy I used to have.  I volunteered yesterday and it was so much fun, but it’s not something I can do often because of my limited energy reserves.  Mourning what I miss out on feels healthy, despite it being sad that I can’t, especially with my big, caring heart, do or help as much as I’d like.

    I learned this week that rejoicing and mourning are not mutually exclusive. What a beautiful gift this week has given me.  I can celebrate the majesty of nature and the tremendous, heavenly gifts of the youth in my community, all while grieving my past and present, and celebrating all the healthy decisions I make to care for myself.

    May you be blessed with so much gentleness as you experience all the richness and depth that life has to offer. 

    Big hugs, Bradlee

    A collection of photos from one of my walks in the forest this week.  The forest looks different with each passing day of spring, just as I keep growing, shedding the old, and blossoming anew.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2022-2024. All Rights Reserved

  • A balm for your soul – a story post

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    A balm for your soul – a story post
    May Nature's beauty be a balm for your soul 💖.

  • Inspiration from nature

    A photo I took this morning

    Lately I have been looking at nature to be inspired. Sometimes I don’t even try to find inspiration, it’s more like the beauty in nature is calling to me, asking me to be present and witness its beauty. Whenever this happens, I feel renewed, awakened and more alive. I make a special effort to breathe deeply and appreciate the majesty of what I am witnessing. It sures helps take my mind off the busyness of life and any problems I may be having.

    This morning, I was driving my dog Maggie to a dog daycare so she could run around and have fun with other dogs. It was a bit chilly and foggy. I was more thinking of dropping Maggie off and what I was going to eat once I got back home. Then, I followed a curve on my road and I saw such a gorgeous blend of green fields, fog and sun, as you can see from the image above. It completely brought me back to myself and the present moment.

    I dropped Maggie off and excitedly stopped by the side of the road to take more photos.

    A close up of the same field

    The beauty of the sun, field and clouds were really breathtaking. I felt so blessed and privileged to have extra time this morning to take in this gorgeous display. The funny thing was I had been complaining that my car windows were fogging up, but I quickly stopped after seeing these sights.

    From another angle – how spectacular!

    Whenever I feel anxious or rushed inside, I often get an important reset from nature. I love putting my bare feet on the grass, especially when it is cool and dewy. That feeling brings calmness to every part of me, especially if I can walk around for 5 minutes and take in the sights, feelings and smells.

    Sometimes, just looking up at the sky and turning around so I can see it from every angle is exactly what I need. I especially love watching the clouds move across the sky. They are constantly reinventing themselves; it seems like clouds change shape nearly every second. They remind me that I am not supposed to be or feel the same all the time.

    This image shows more of the clouds

    I am grateful for all the lessons I am learning from nature lately. Those lessons allow me to have more realistic expectations of myself as a human and inspire me to be more gentle and compassionate with myself. They also show me how deep, complex and majestic I am in all of my humanity.

    May you see, hear and feel all the ways that nature, Mother Earth and our great Creator love, nurture and inspire us all. Big hugs 💖💖💖.

    Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • Messages in the wind

    Messages in the wind

    I live in Kemptville, Ontario, Canada and right now, it is fall.  Fall is such a gorgeous season.  It’s a time when our trees explode into gorgeous bright colors, almost like a celebration before the depth of slumber during winter.  I love fall.  It’s a time of transition, of nature celebrating her glory and beauty and the air is so crisp and fresh.  I feel like the wind carries different messages in the fall; messages of reassurance, strength and empowerment to help us through winter.

    Winter can be such a time of quiet, reflection, self-care and cocooning and fall is the turning point.  We’re at the point in fall now where there is still so much beauty, colour and bird song that fills our ears, eyes and hearts.  For whatever reason, even as the leaves fall off the trees, I don’t usually feel sad.  I feel full of hope, possibility and power.  Because of this, I look to nature for inspiration to confirm and deepen these feelings.

    Beautiful Maggie leading the way through the forest

    I live on a precious piece of land that has 12 acres of forest.  The other day, as I was crunching through leaves on the paths in the woods, I thought about how full the forest is at this time.  Despite the fact that the leaves will all fall off, the forest feels like it wants to showcase it’s beauty and splendor.  I find that fascinating.  Even though a temporary death will be occurring, there is such celebration in the air.  I have been stopping to look up at all the leaves, with their bright colors of red, gold, yellow, orange and green, and I’ve been drinking in their celebration.  I can feel it nourishing me deep in my soul. 

    A beautiful cluster of trees showcasing their colorful transformation

    I’ve been looking for other signs of inspiration too, not just from the trees and their gorgeous canopies above me, but on the ground.  This fall season, I have been more fascinated by the mushrooms in the forest.  Mushrooms burst up from the decay on the forest floor.  They are born from what is decomposing, they have short lives, and some of them are poisonous or deadly.  I saw these mushrooms the other day, and they reminded me of me. 

    There they are, emerging from under a bed of pine needs, just like I am emerging from so much transformation, healing and pain.  Those mushrooms gave me so much strength – they were born from decomposition. I am being rebirthed in this phase of my life, what is no longer serving me is decomposing and is fueling the me who is emerging.  How glorious.  I can draw inspiration from the trees who are celebrating what is leaving, and do the same.  I am like the trees and the mushrooms.

    I had the privilege to meet with an Indigenous Elder many years ago at a lodge.  I had been getting messages from seagulls and learning more about our connection to the Earth and I asked for some guidance about how to move forward with my new connections.  He taught me about how the Creator has given us everything we need and that there are messages for us everywhere.  I love being rested and open enough to hear the whispers in the wind and to be able to receive them and their gifts in my heart. 

    In a future post, I’ll share about the various messages I have received from birds. In the meantime, may you feel and be so loved each and every day, no matter what type of transformation you may be going through.  May you also be blessed to receive the messages that our beautiful Earth Mother shares with us through all of her gorgeous and precious creations. 

    I find these look like sea shells!

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.