The echoes from my past are here, calling to me, echoing.
Keep yourself small.
Don’t do anything that can get you hurt.
Change your behavior at the smallest signs of irritation from the person you are with.
Keep your anger down, it’s not safe to show it.
On and on they echo, reverberating within me, reminding me of what I have survived and trying to protect me from that in the here and now.
Those echoes have served an important role in my life. Without them, I may not have made choices that have kept me safe. But with them, I have also been living in the past, and making decisions from that past that may not be necessary in my life today.
I’ve been learning more about the living legacy of trauma and how the story or narrative of a person’s trauma is alive in their nervous system and body. The nervous system remembers traumatic events and works to protect from similar events in the present.
My therapist has gently guided me to this understanding over the last 2 years and it’s taken that long for me to even feel safe enough to recognize the teachings and not feel triggered by them. She has helped me understand that my current circumstances are very different and safe and that my “trauma narrative” will always try to keep me safe, even when I’m already safe and cozy.
And so, this morning, I heard these angry, irritable thoughts in my mind, and I thought of them as echoes. Those thoughts were trying to protect me from my past, which really didn’t match with what I knew to be true this morning.
They were calling to me, echoing, and I recognized that my true self’s voice, the one I have been cultivating, nurturing and caring for, is getting stronger. And that strength helped me stay separate from those echoes and rest in what I know to be true within me today. It was a very simple, but powerful moment of liberation.
Those echoes helped me realize how far I have come, and that even though they may always be echoing, maybe they’ll get quieter and the voice of my present self will continue to get louder, more confident, secure and grounded in my present.
I love learning about trauma. It’s been a scary and intense journey to face and acknowledge the pain I have experienced and lived through. It’s also been liberating to learn how the nervous system works, what an incredible job it’s done for me and how I can work with it to create a greater sense of safety in my present.
Thank you echoes, thank you to my past, thank you to all the incredible people who have and continue, to love, support, care for and uplift me. You’ve all played a role in me having this realization this morning. Thank you for being a part of my life.
With lots of gratitude and appreciation for where I have been and where I am going and for you for witnessing my journey 🩷🩷🩷, Bradlee
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 