PhD in Being Me

Tag: self-care

  • Acknowledging progress

    Long green grass blowing in the wind

    It’s easy for me to get caught up in the day to day and lose sight of my growth and healing.  I have been off work for a year and a half to take care of my physical and mental health.  I recognize that I am not well enough to work, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t healed, grown and rested during this time.

    If I have a tough day with big time symptoms or fatigue, it’s even easier for me to forget how far I have already come.  And so today, I am acknowledging and celebrating my wins.  They are very important, even if my life can still be difficult.

    • The brain retraining/nervous system rehabilitation program I am participating in is helping me.  When I first started in November, I was so triggered reading the materials and watching the videos, so I took very baby steps.  My capacity for learning, doing the exercises and holding space for myself has hugely increased.  Yay!  I am still going slow and checking in with my body, and that feels really healthy.  It’s one way I am working on my PhD in Being Me, tuning in to myself and my needs instead of rushing to complete the next training level if I am not ready.
    • I am getting better at making choices that honour where I am with chronic fatigue syndrome instead of forcing myself onwards when I know it will negatively impact me.
    • I am better able to tell when I need to speak up about a boundary or if my boundaries have been violated.
    • I feel less choiceless in my every day life.
    • I am more compassionate with myself and others.
    • I am feeling less responsible for the world and the people I care about.
    • I really like doing somatic work, and I get a lot of ease and relief when I do it.
    • I can sometimes notice when I am dissociated, numb, or frozen and can give myself extra love.
    • I better understand different feelings in my body and what they are signaling.  I am also learning to ride through the panic I feel when the toughest ones arise.  I did that yesterday with a tool and gosh, it helped so much.
    • I am able to put the tools aside and just be as I am, like today 💕.

    My plan is to publish posts about some helpful tools I have been learning about and strategies I am figuring out for myself.  I hope these future posts empower me and any reader who may benefit.  Life can be beautiful, but challenging, and I love learning about ways to navigate the challenges in healthier ways 🌸🌸.

    Thanks for reading, may you be well and may your intuition be strong and clear to support you!

    With care, 💖 Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026. All Rights Reserved.

  • A chance to do things differently

    Bradlee holding up a white paper with art using paint colors and a fern from her woods.
    Me and my new style of art with ferns, Ferns in Northern Lights, with a loving message at the bottom.

    I have been stressed lately.  More like STRESSED lately.  A few upsetting things happened all at once, and they all had elements of uncertainty.  Because I have chronic fatigue syndrome and a form of PTSD, any bit of stress really exhausts me and throws my tiny sliver of balance right off. 

    The more I’ve learned about trauma, the more I can feel, notice and see the impacts that stress has on my physical health.  I have also learned that some of the ways that I’ve been coping with stress and difficult situations have had a negative impact on my health.

    I realized yesterday that I could use this latest batch of life events as a way to practice using my new tools and awareness from therapy and the Primal Trust program I am following. 

    When I was talking to my therapist last week, she was so compassionate and helped me understand just how much I was dealing with.  That made it safer for me to get to know some of my feelings, instead of keeping them locked away and compartmentalized for another time.  I hadn’t even realized I was doing that.  What started out as an amazing protective strategy that has helped me through many challenges is now going to keep me sick and make me sicker because it’s keeping the stress alarm ringing in my body.

    My therapist asked me several questions to ask my belly, where I was experiencing the most discomfort.  That gave me a chance to tune in, listen and give myself the gift of my own presence.  It was really nurturing and it freed up the emotions to flow.  I was really scared and I got to actually feel it, as opposed to being disassociated with my feelings.  It was very healing. 

    That was a week ago.  The last few days, I noticed that I was ahead of myself.  I could literally feel my energy in front of my body instead of in it.  I wasn’t sure what to do about it, but I recognized it was another protective strategy keeping me out of my body so I didn’t have to feel everything that was so scary and upsetting.  I knew I needed to try something different, so I sketched out what I was doing.  It was helpful to see a visual of it. 

    Cartoon like sketches of Bradlee processing or avoiding her emotions.
    My sketches of what I was feeling inside as I explored how to handle the new challenges and the emotions they brought up

    After I sketched these, I had a good cry and I talked to my husband about how I needed to experiment to find healthier ways to take care of myself through this latest challenge.  That was helpful too.

    This morning, I started at page 1 of my Primal Trust 40 day “Daily Regulate” program, and it helped me so much.  Sometimes starting back at the beginning gives me a chance to see the same material from a new place and from a different perspective. 

    The first day is about the chronic stress response and how to address the nervous system instead of focusing on symptoms.  It teaches about closing the eyes, putting a hand on the heart and asking questions like, “what am I feeling inside my body right now?” and “what am I thinking about that.” 

    I started my morning with this practice and I started crying right away after reading the first question.  It was such a relief to read that question and to know that it was an important step in identifying my needs and feelings.  It gave me a chance to tune in and be present with myself. 

    I think it was such a powerful practice because I was out of my body or my feelings were out of reach and the first question brought my awareness right into my body.  It feels good to use this latest challenge as a chance to do things differently, to treat myself with more care, compassion and kindness and to ask for greater help and support as I go through this time. 

    Inhale.  Ahhhh, exhale.  Yes, I can do this.  It will still be hard, but it will be easier as I take care of myself in new ways instead of just reacting from old stress patterns. 

    There is so much potential growth and healing in challenges, like creating new art that helps me process my emotions. The fern below is called Anxiety.  It was painted with colors that I associate with nausea and being twisted up in knots inside.  And it’s spiky because I used a rough brush and I love how rough the parts are outside of the fern.  And the hollowness of the fern echoes that emptiness that can come inside from feeling overwhelmed by life.

    an orange, brown, yellow and green outline of a fern.

    And so, there it is.  A chance for me to do things differently.  To take care of myself.  To connect with my body.  To externalize my feelings through my words, art and asking for help.  To know that I am worthy of taking care of myself and that it’s okay to feel scared and physically uncomfortable.  I can be there for myself. Each day will be different, but even small efforts will make an impact.

    I wish you so well and may you connect with what helps you through life’s challenges.  Big hugs and thanks for reading, 💕💕 Bradlee

  • I am what I’m searching for

    Me and the dogs taking a rest break

    Last week, I was trying a new somatic practice, and it was helping me.  I became aware of myself thinking, “maybe this is it!  Maybe this is the thing that will finally help me get better.”

    I have thought that thousands of times over the past several years of figuring out how to live with chronic fatigue syndrome.  To be honest with myself, I haven’t just been trying to live with it, I’ve been trying to get over it, over and over again.

    That awareness the other day helped me realize that deep inside me I am still caught in the trap of trying to get over myself and hurry up and get better.  I’ve made lots of progress in being kinder and more compassionate to myself instead of always taking a deficit and fix myself mindset, but I guess there is always room for improvement!

    I started reflecting on all I’ve done for myself over the years and I settled into a new knowing:  I am what I’ve been looking for.  It’s my dedication to myself, my willingness to grow and explore my inner world, to ask for support and to follow my intuition about what is working and what isn’t and what speed to journey at. 

    Maybe it doesn’t matter that I’ve been unwell for so many years.  Maybe it just matters that through it all, I’ve been here, willing to keep experimenting to show myself that I am worth it.  That I am allowed to be exactly as I am and that I can also keep learning to help myself in new ways that will cumulatively surround and fill me with care, love, compassion and healing, regardless of any outcomes.  It’s me.  It’s not the tools.  It’s me.  I am the one.  I am it. 

    Hmmmm, that feels good.  I value and treasure myself and my life and I am living in ways that show myself that.  So if the latest practice helps me feel a bit better and less exhausted, awesome.  If it doesn’t, or I need something else, I will adjust and pay attention to my needs.  Yes, that is nice.  I like it.  No blame, no shame, no hurrying, just settling in to being me, exactly as I am, in this moment and tuning in to see what I need.

    I wish you all the best in attuning to your needs too!  May you see and acknowledge the good you do for yourself and may you be inspired about what unmet needs you may have and how you can go about meeting them (that’s my plan for today 🥰🥰).

    Big hugs, Bradlee  🌟🩷

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Thinking of my emotions like they’re a “check engine” warning

    A photo of the instrument panel on a car dashboard

    Instead of getting all riled up by my feelings, like I was earlier today, I wondered if it would help me to think of them like a little “check engine” light.  Nothing personal, nothing to fix, get over, analyze or heal from, but an indicator that some care is needed.

    If you’ve been reading my posts lately, I have been writing about my changing relationship with my most complex and challenging emotions and feelings.  I am learning how to allow my feelings, how to stay present with them, and to feel them as opposed to focusing on the events from my past that they likely stemmed from.

    So, this metaphor came to me tonight.  What if resentment, for example, is like a “check engine” light or a “check oil” light.  One that reminds me that I need care (not a car service, tee hee).  And that likely I have been sacrificing myself or not meeting my needs.  That seems pretty simple.  I felt some serious resentment over the smallest thing this evening before I realized that the last few weeks have been challenging and I needed rest.  When I thought of it this way, I didn’t feel as angry and resentful, but instead, it was super easy to tell myself I had done more than enough today and that I should lie down and watch TV.  It made a big difference to my experience of those big feelings.  It gave me a bit of separation from them and made me feel mature, grounded and able to take care of myself. 

    This realization helped me acknowledge more deeply that I haven’t been feeling great all week, and that I have been doing an excellent job experimenting with how to care for myself during this stressful week.  It’s easy for me to feel like a victim, and choiceless, but in writing this post and reflecting, I see that through small actions and choices this week, I showed up for myself, even when I got super triggered, exhausted and overwhelmed.

    I am open to exploring those big emotions as a “check engine” light that is here to help me meet my needs in each moment.  Tonight, I need to get into bed early, read and go to sleep!

    Sweet dreams, 🌟♥️🌸, Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Getting older

    Photo of Bradlee's left hand
    My 46 year old hand

    I am different lately.  Turning 46 has been a big one for me.  I am no longer a young person, I am closer to 50 than to 40, and I can  tell that I view life differently than the youth I am around.  My skin looks more wrinkly, my face looks older, and my body seems a bit more fragile.

    I don’t think all is lost, but there is some grief for me during this time.  I don’t have a young child anymore, and I won’t be walking down the street holding a tiny hand any longer (not that I have in years).  I see young people who run down the street, so full of life and energy and I mourn the loss of my own youth and energy, although chronic fatigue syndrome plays a big role in that. 

    I look at my precious husband and hope we have so many more years of hand holding, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.  And I wonder how long we will live in our cute little house in the country.  I hope that our son will have his parents around for many, many more years to come.  I look forward to cheering for him as he navigates and explores his life and how best to live it.

    I am not lost in these feelings of grief and hope, rather they seem to flow in and out of my mind as I live my life.  I am not trying to get away from the thoughts because grief and I have become friends over the years, and I know that it is a part of being a human, just as much as joy and love.

    I have had such an amazing life up to now, despite all the hardships and things I could have done without, and the grief I feel honours this.  I couldn’t have asked for a better husband and son, or such a quiet life in the country.  I am so grateful for the innocence that I have within me, the grace and power too, and my big, huge belly laughs.  None of that is over, but so much else feels like it is after turning 46.  My internal suffering is easing slightly as I learn more what I need, and that is such a relief, but it may also be contributing to these feelings of grief.  Who might I be without all this pain, anxiety, loneliness, exhaustion and sadness that I have felt for so long?  I wonder 🌸🌟.

    Well, to the me who came before, the one who is healing, the one who has never needed healing, and the me who is living today and every future day, I say, well done.  You have made it.  No matter what the future holds, I am with you.  Every tear, every fear, every laugh, every wrinkle and every moment has brought me here, and I wouldn’t be me without it all.  Grief and joy, all together, for this opportunity to live this exact life, even though I have tried to resist it and get away from it.  I am here, learning to allow, to feel, to open my heart to it all.

    Big hugs, xoxo ❤️, Bradlee

    Red hearts of different sizes on a black background

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Letting it all out through allowing

    A cliff face with waterfalls

    Sometimes I feel the emotional pressure building up inside me, and I feel this urge to flee the pressure and the feelings.  Sometimes I distract myself.  But sometimes, I am brave and I turn toward it, instead of trying to get rid of it.

    I have this pressure on the left side of my jaw that comes and goes.  I learned recently that I can sit with that pressure and tell it, “I am here.  I want to understand you, not force you or make you go away.  I am here.”  Apparently, when we lean in towards discomfort, it signals to our brain that the uncomfortable sensation is safe and not a threat. 

    That makes a lot of sense to me.  I had done a lot of energy healing work in the early 2010s.  It was incredibly helpful for me in many ways, but it was quite damaging in others.  It ended up teaching me to try to get rid of any feeling in my body that wasn’t “of the light,” so I got scared of the heavy feelings and was always in a rush to do some healing process to get rid of it.  I understand how energy healing (at least the way I was taught) really amplified the lack of safety I already had in my mind and body and made me more anxious.  It also made me feel like I couldn’t be me, as I was, that I needed to keep striving for better and more healing.

    Ah, hindsight, eh?  The good news is I understand myself more now, and I have a greater sense of my needs and what works for me.  So, the idea of turning towards physical and emotional discomfort with care, presence and allowing is very refreshing and exciting for me.

    As a way of preparing myself better for future discomfort and being open and allowing, I am drafting some language I can draw on:

    • I am here for you and with you.  You are welcome here.
    • I am with you and it’s a joy to be with you.
    • I love you and I am here.  Thank you for being here, and thank you for teaching me how to be with you.
    • You are allowed to be here and I would love to get to know you.
    • I am here, is there anything you’d like me to know?

    The important thing for me is not to try to say these things when I need them, but to actually feel curious, caring and compassionate and then offer those words above with those sentiments.  Otherwise, I will just be covertly trying to fix or manage myself instead of giving myself a gift of care, allowing and compassion.  I am going to experiment with this and see if I can truly feel into allowing in my body instead of just trying to do it with my thoughts.

    I look forward to sharing an update in the future. 

    May you be well, and if you’re up for sharing, I’d love to hear what works for you ❤️❤️, Bradlee

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • What it feels like (for me) to have chronic fatigue syndrome

    Mixed media art, with a pencil and marker drawing of a sleeping woman, surrounded by colorful fabric in soothing colors, wooden birds, puffy pink hearts.
    Art that was inspired by the most exhausted parts of my being

    It’s hard to explain just how exhausting it is to have chronic fatigue syndrome.  It’s taken me years to really and truly understand that rest doesn’t cure this type of exhaustion.  It is much deeper than a lack of rest.  It is an exhaustion down to the cellular and soul levels. 

    Before I get much further in my writing, I’d like to acknowledge that this represents my experience and no one else’s. I know others who have chronic fatigue syndrome and there are some similarities between us, but important differences too.  There are some people who don’t have even a tiny fraction of the limited energy that I do, which I can fathom from my worst days, weeks and months, but can’t truly understand 💖.  I hope that my words find those who need to read them and that each person with chronic fatigue be surrounded and filled with so much help, support, compassion, healing and love from inside and out.

    For me, chronic fatigue is like living at the speed that a turtle or snail needs to go at, not fast, but just slow and steady.  Sloths are also super cute and make me feel better about the pace I need to do things at. 

    Another analogy for chronic fatigue is when a computer runs in energy saving mode, the screen is a bit darker, things move slower, all in an effort to conserve. And it stays in that mode, because the charger can only replenish the computer battery so much for some reason. That’s probably the closest comparison. Physical and cognitive tasks really drain my battery, and experiencing big emotions do too, so I’m often working to maintain some sliver of balance or to regain balance whenever I can. 

    There have been days/weeks/months where I needed to lie down so I could breathe deeply enough or so that I would have enough energy to digest my food.  Some days I can run errands, and it takes a toll on me, but accomplishing something and getting to smile at people is so worth it.  Other days, I avoid the grocery store where I have to pack my own bags because it’s too tiring for me to do it.  

    Some days, I can sit up for quite a few hours, but I need to find ways to recline, lean back, rest my head or lie flat.  If I don’t, I start to feel weak, light headed, dizzy, anxious and overwhelmed.  If I use my muscles too much, like with gardening, or household chores, then I feel weak and vulnerable for 2-3 days afterwards.  I can do gentle exercise for 10 minutes or less, depending on the day, and I can dance!  As long as it’s only one or two songs where I really have a kick ass party!  Then I tone it down and just enjoy myself instead of full on dancing because it’s too tiring.

    Sometimes the thought of cooking a meal for myself or my family is too tiring and I need to lie down and ask for help.  That is definitely something I have struggled with, but I am slowly getting better at doing this!  I am a (recovering) people pleaser, perfectionist and high achiever, so admitting where I am with my health has been hard for me.  I continued to work way past the time it was healthy for me to do so, and that’s all been part of my journey towards being kind to myself, acknowledging my reality and learning how to meet my needs instead of force, belittle or coerce myself. 

    Today, I was walking with the dogs, which is so good for my overall health, but I had to cut it much shorter because I could feel the exhaustion in my muscles.  The dogs weren’t happy about it, but I’m learning with each experience to trust myself to meet my needs and to stay within my capacity.  I learned recently that overexerting myself actually slows any potential healing from chronic fatigue syndrome.  How about that!  I had been pushing myself way past my capacity for years. 

    Every once in a while, I have to stay in bed for a few hours, half the day or just make sure I lie down around the house for the majority of the day.  Today is definitely an exhausted, take it easy kind of day, which I’m getting better at relaxing into.  Oddly enough, I feel worse if I lie down the whole day.  Doing a small chore, gentle dancing or lymphatic massage makes a big difference to the quality of my exhausted days and creates more flow inside of me.

    I thought it might be helpful for me to write more about what it feels like for me to have chronic fatigue.  I also thought it might help anyone who is wanting to learn more about it too.  Writing about my experience of life gives it validity and importance, and that is really special for me.  After so many years of being so hard on myself, it feels good to ease into who I am, all of me, regardless of where I am with my health.  It reminds me that I am okay despite my health challenges and that I am very worthy regardless.

    If you’re like me and you’ve been shamed for having a sensitive body and soul, then I send you big care and lots of hugs.  It’s totally okay to be sensitive and to have lived through some really tough things.  I am learning how to care for myself instead of continuing that shame.  May you be super supported by friends, family (chosen or blood), health care professionals, mental health professionals and anyone else who can shine a light on your awesomeness and help you in the ways that you need.  And most importantly, may you learn what your needs are and may you feel empowered to take big or small or baby steps to start meeting them.  That is how we’ll truly earn our own PhDs in Being Me, each of us learning more and more about who we are, what we need and learning to do that for our sweetie selves.

    I send you lots of care and smiles.  Thanks for reading and may you be well 💖🌟❤️,

    Bradlee

    Some caring art I made for the vulnerable parts within me when I needed some reassurance and love

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Looking up and ahead instead of down

    A winding pag through trees with orange, red and yellow leaves.

    At some point during the last several years, I started looking down when I walked to make sure I wouldn’t trip or fall.  I have been very delicate and vulnerable mentally and physically so looking down makes sense, even though I have been far from an age where a fall would have been catastrophic.

    I knew I was doing this, but I hadn’t realized just how much that was reflecting how I felt in the world.  How I needed to watch out, be careful and keep an eye out for potential hazards.

    In the fall of 2025, I did an exercise my art therapist suggested to help me focus a bit more outward. I was nailing the “meeting my needs” bit and she suggested I look more broadly at my needs from a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social perspective.  I wrote about my initial efforts with this homework in September https://phdinbeingme.ca/2025/11/10/boundaries/.

    Since that time, I notice that it is easier to look up when I am walking.  Easier to notice aspects of my life that have been neglected due to my health limitations.  Easier to see more of me and life’s possibilities, even while I am unwell with chronic fatigue syndrome and mental health challenges.

    And so, I am finding it easier to remember to look up and ahead, to remember that I am more than my tough days, and that I have survived each tough day so far, and I can do it again.  I can work, slowly but surely, to create safety in my body, mind and heart and celebrate when I give myself kindness and compassion.  I can write what’s in my heart because sharing stories matters and reminds us that we are all connected in our humanity, even if our experiences are different.

    Wherever you are, whether you are looking down or upward, I send you smiles, care and kindness!

    Big hugs! 🌸🌟💖 Bradlee

    Photo of Bradlee smiling, wearing a pink winter hat in front of a snow covered field.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Taking the pressure off

    Me, my husband Robbin and Archie the dog

    Honestly, have you ever seen a more relaxed dog?  Archie is such a sweet cutie pie.  I love this photo of him.  It’s not the best photo of Robbin and I, but it sure showcases how relaxed, happy and at ease he is.

    Archie teaches me and reminds me to take the pressure off myself.  I sometimes forgot to be compassionate to myself while I’m on this journey of living with chronic fatigue syndrome.  He is so relaxed, playful and goofy and he helps me get out of the worries for my future just by being his cute self. 

    He doesn’t care if I have chronic fatigue syndrome or not.  He just wants to be pet, walked, played with and fed delicious food.  And so, I thought I’d take the pressure off myself and think about what I want out of daily life.  Maybe that will help me see that chronic fatigue isn’t actually preventing me from having a full life, but more that it’s my beliefs about it that are.

    And so, here it is, what I want out of life:

    • Rest for my tired body
    • Quality time with my husband and son
    • A walk with the dogs
    • Chances to connect with friends and family
    • Mental stimulation from a good book, learning, a puzzle or other games, or a great show/movie
    • Opportunities throughout the day to create safety for my nervous system
    • Preparing and eating delicious food
    • Doing a chore or two for our wonderful home and belongings

    That actually is pretty simple, isn’t it?  I get all of that, every day.  Isn’t that miraculous?  Sometimes it really is just my perception of life with chronic fatigue that colors my experience.  I’ll do my best to remember that!  In fairness to me though, it is difficult to enjoy doing some of these things when I have so little energy or when my other symptoms are super strong.  So some days, even though I get to do the things that make me happiest, it is just hard with how tired I feel.  Okay, good, I’m glad I’m taking a balanced approach with this realization or else I’d just be putting more pressure on myself to enjoy every day, even on days where making a meal is too tiring.

    And so, wherever you are, and whatever life is bringing you in terms of joys and challenges, may you be well, and may it be easy for you to reflect on what is good in your life and give yourself a hug for whatever is hard.  A bit of both is a recipe for compassion, kindness and grace.

    All my best!  Bradlee 🌟💕

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2025.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Reflecting on 2025

    An early morning in December 2025, with pink, blue and purple clouds
    An early morning sunrise in December 2025

    It’s the last day of 2025 for me, and I can’t help but think, “wow, this is the last time I’m going to eat lunch in 2025,” and “this is my last day in 2025, I’d love to make sure I enjoy the little moments.” Transitioning to a new year feels like a big deal to me, especially this year.

    At the start of 2025, I participated in an art workshop for women, and I created a piece that was about giving myself permission to put myself first and to take care of my health.

    A rectangular canvas with ribbons, metallic shapes, fabric and patterned paper with the theme of self-care.
    My 2025 art piece

    As I look back on 2025, I see how much I’ve been doing that.  I’ve been learning so much and I am so proud of the changes I’ve made, the work I’ve done and the person I am becoming.  I hung this canvas right by my bed and it is really refreshing to look at it when I wake up, go to bed and when I’m resting during the day. 

    I called 2025, “The Year of Self-Care,” with the words, “no more self-sacrifice, giving myself permission to heal, restore and be,” as a guide.  I have been off work for over a year now to take care of my health and I’ve been taking steps to get to know myself more, to acknowledge, hold and heal my pain and to learn strategies for making healthier choices as I navigate life with chronic fatigue syndrome.

    I don’t have life figured out any more than any one else, but I do know that I need rest.  I’ve been learning how to give myself more quality rest and tools to help bring greater safety to my nervous system.  Both of those are major accomplishments for me, woohoo! 

    I was inspired to reflect on 2025 and to get ready for 2026 by Self-Love Rainbow. In their December 29th newsletter, they recommended finding a word of the year.  I love the content from Self-Love Rainbow because it’s always so full of compassion, care, respect, inspiration and cuteness.  These are the prompts from their newsletter (in quotation marks) that I’m going to complete for myself below too:

    “Choose Your Word of the Year: Choose a word-of-the-year to guide how you want to feel or show up this year. Not a goal. Not a personality overhaul. Just a concept you want to bring into your life.”

    – My word of the year is rest.

    “One Word for 2025: In the middle of a piece of paper, write down one word that describes this year. Then branch off from that and describe the things that made it feel that way.
    Honest answers only. Hard words are allowed.”

    – Hard work!  I know it’s supposed to be one word, but that is the main theme of this year.  I applied for disability, advocated for myself, went to many appointments, tried so hard to fix myself, and then through therapy, started to slowly decompress and relax into being as I am.  I am still slowing down from all the years where I kept going with chronic fatigue syndrome, even after a year off work.  I think that speaks volumes to how much pressure I was putting on myself and how hard I was working to keep going.  Both of those made it harder to feel into how I was actually doing physically and emotionally because I was so panicked about not applying for disability. 

    So ya, hard work really describes this year, so does slowing down, exploring permission for myself, developing more compassion for myself, learning to hug myself on the inside, learning to speak about my hurt and bring it to life through art therapy, learning to notice when I was making decisions that weren’t in my best interests and learning why I was doing that, etc.  I’ve really loved 2025, as hard as it’s been.  I feel reborn even though I’m unwell and exhausted.  It’s like my spirit is feeling renewed and seen, and that’s really refreshing.  May that continue!

    “One Word for Your Needs Right Now: If your body or heart could speak in one word, what would it ask for?”

    -Rest! 

    “One Word for Who You Are: Not who you should be. But the person you are when no one else is asking something from you.”

    -Relaxed.  Quiet.  Reflecting.  Peaceful.  Sad.  Lonely.  Healing.  Learning.  Evolving.  Shedding.   I couldn’t just think of one word, because I often feel different, depending on what is going on. 

    My word for 2026 is rest, and as a part of that, I’d like to focus on being exactly as I am, not better, not healed, not like I was when I was younger, but me, all of me, exactly as I am each day, even if it’s uncomfortable to be me.  I’d like to not fight myself in 2026, but turn towards myself with open arms and a willingness to learn, hold space for myself and love myself.  I don’t need to excel at this, but gently aim for it, give myself grace and compassion on the hard days and know that’s okay even if I resist my life or fight myself sometimes.

    May your 2026 be full of peace, grace, ease, happiness and joy.  And if you need inspiration to reflect on 2026, I totally recommend checking out Self-Love Rainbow’s site and workbooks (no pressure!).  I’ve learned a lot about myself from their helpful and sweet tools!

    All the best and big hugs!  💕💕

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2025.  All Rights Reserved.