PhD in Being Me

Author: Bradlee Zrudlo

  • Nothing Wrong

    A chalkboard with the numbers 1 plus 1 equals 3.
    Photo by George Becker on Pexels.com

    Today I had a very important realization. It aligns perfectly with what I have been learning as I’m working towards a PhD in Being Me and it was startling in its simplicity. Here it is:

    “I’m not doing anything wrong. My life is happening exactly the way it needs to, and not because I’ve messed something up.”

    Bradlee Zrudlo

    Here’s how it came about…I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I have been tired for several years now and it is a lot to manage, especially when I overthink things or get too tired to think rationally. Anyway, this morning, I should have been tired. I had a super late night going to the hospital emergency room after finding a tick on me and I only slept for 4 hours. Normally, that would have destroyed me, like I would have been so sensitive to noise, energy, or any type of stimulation, but all day, I have felt fine. I caught myself thinking, “what must I have done differently to not feel so awful after so little sleep,” and that is when I had the realization. The realization that I am not doing anything wrong.

    I don’t have chronic fatigue syndrome because I am doing anything wrong. I am not a sensitive, empathic, easily stressed person because I am doing anything wrong. I am not doing anything wrong. In fact, my life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, to help me to learn, grow, evolve and maybe just to get to this realization, that I am not doing anything wrong.

    I have told myself I’m not doing anything wrong before, but this was different. This came from a wise place inside of me and it was like every cell and fibre of my being was resonating with how great I am, as opposed to wondering what I messed up this time or what I should be doing differently.

    Ahhhh, the sweet liberation of a realization that was a long time coming. I know there will be more and I may get this message that I am not doing anything wrong even deeper into my beingness. For now though, yay! I am not doing anything wrong. I am exactly as I need to be and I’m at exactly the right place in my life, not for any reason, but just because. The universe, God, the Great Creator, they all made me exactly this way, and they don’t come and tell me all the things I’ve done wrong. If anything, they are all rooting for me and it’s my turn to join the party and celebrate the wonderful person I am.

    May you be healed and liberated from your limiting beliefs about yourself and may you know how truly beautiful, perfect, healed and whole you already are. Big hugs!!

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • Moving Forward

    “Sometimes I feel stuck and I want to blame everyone else for that feeling. Then I remember that I am the one who has the power to make the choices I need to feel healthier, more acknowledged and validated and to move myself forward.”

    Bradlee Zrudlo

    Over the last several years, I have been learning to acknowledge and validate my feelings instead of shoving them down. This has been a humongous change for me and it has liberated me from stagnating and stewing on repressed emotions; well, most of the time.

    It is a huge gift I have given myself to do this, but I see how I sometimes get stuck in hanging out with my feelings and I forget to move forward in my life. It’s like I have been so focused on showing myself that I will no longer abandon myself, that I sometimes forget about how good and satisfying taking action feels.

    I have been creating a beautiful garden within myself and I have been taking the time to nurture it, water it, weed it and shine the light of my attention on it. I see, feel and know what a beautiful gift I have given myself and I am tremendously honoured to have the opportunity to turn my life around in this way.

    What I see now is that I am so well cared for on the inside and I am no longer the same frail version of myself I used to be. In writing this post, I see how it is time for me to expand my garden, to explore life out from under the wave of the precious cocoon that has kept me so safe and nurtured. Whenever I feel small now, I see that I can hold my own hand from within and take a step to move me forward in life. By approaching life in this way, I am not stagnating in blame or resentment as if there are people who are holding me back, but rather, I am seeing that the permission I need to move forward is always mine to give myself.

    With every breath I take, may my education in the art and science of being me deepen, with the utmost of love and respect for all that I am. May that same blessing be extended to all people on our sweetie planet.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.

    Photo by Hernan Pauccara on Pexels.com