PhD in Being Me

Tag: awakening

  • Who am I waiting for?

    A big room with a person sitting, hanging their head.
    Photo by Adrien Olichon on Pexels.com

    I wrote the words below in May 2019. I often wrote emails to myself, to try to sort out my feelings. Sometimes I find that easier than writing in a journal. I am so humbled to read these words, there I was, so broken after my mom had suddenly died a few months later, but so ready to acknowledge what I needed and craved, and what was holding me back. I honor the me I was then, and then me I am now, and the me I am becoming. As you read this, may it inspire you to love, honor, witness and validate yourself, from the inside out. I honestly think that learning to do this over the past few years is what gave me the strength to recognize my Breaking Point and to find out what was Beyond the Breaking Point. I know I’ll have many more breaking points, and that’s okay. As long as I keep myself company through them, I know I’ll be alright.

    With love,

    Bradlee

    Who am I waiting for?

    I often notice myself talking to other people in my head.

    It’s like I’m trying to seek help or validation from them regarding my experiences.

    While I am grateful to have the help and support of many people, I have a feeling that I am still so desperate to be witnessed, heard, seen and validated.

    I’m aware that it may not be a bad thing to want support and validation, but there is something about it that feels like it’s trying to teach me something.

    I often imagine myself having conversations with the grief counselor or naturopath that I have been seeing and I’m asking them for their insights on how I’m doing, how I’m feeling and what it all may mean.

    As I’m writing this, I’m starting to feel a bit nauseous and teary, so I believe I am on the right path.

    I still find it so hard to believe that I am a good person, that I am making healthy and wise choices, that others appreciate me, that I am a beautiful healer, that I am so acutely and wonderfully aware of what is going on within me and that I’m not broken.  I do think that is why I have those conversations in my head.

    What might I need to feel the greatness I already am and to see how healthy, beautiful, kind, smart, wise and empathically awesome I already am?

    Whose approval am I really looking for?  Is it from all the people in my life who didn’t have it to give, because they didn’t even know how to appreciate and approve of themselves?

    Yes, there is no doubt that the lack of their approval was hurtful and left me seeking so much externally.  But I know that there is more.

    I know that I am really missing myself and the ability to be a witness to myself, from the inside out. 

    It’s like I haven’t know how to be grounded within myself and as a result, I’ve been outside myself for a very long time and I’m missing myself.

    I want to be grounded. I want to have my own experience of life. I want to develop my inner compass so that I follow its guidance and direction to what is best for me, instead of what I have done for so long, looking outside of myself and at others for answers.

    I really feel like I am deeply healing at this time and that it is my time to reclaim my health and vitality on all levels and dimensions of myself and to rise up as the beauty I already am and sing and dance and live boldly and confidently.  As I step across the stage of my life into the light, may I give myself the time and patience I need to get stronger within and throughout all of me, so that I may walk as a vortex of light on this planet, pulling in everything that is meant to return home to heaven, for the well-being of all humanity.  May all aspects of me be healed, blessed and transformed so that I may live out my life’s purpose in all of its glory.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Destroyed

    Huge waves crashing on the shore.
    Photo by Ray Bilcliff on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem in May 2021. I remember sitting and talking to someone as these realizations hit me and I knew I was witnessing my own destruction. I remember writing this and feeling soothed and knowing that I was okay, even as I was being destroyed. I remember knowing that everything, including me, was much more complex, deep and beautiful than I could ever understand and that it was okay that I didn’t understand.

    I share this poem from my heart to yours. xoxoxoxo

    Destroyed – a poem

    Well, here I am.

    I have built my life on trying to be a certain way so that I could avoid hurt and pain

    And so I could avoid causing hurt and pain to others.

    I have exhausted and controlled myself to achieve this and yesterday,

    I was destroyed.

    I was blown open.

    Despite all of my efforts, things are still a mess.

    I am still causing hurt and pain

    And people will be as they will be.

    I get it now.

    I am not in charge.

    I am not the boss.

    I am the destroyed one who thought she could be in charge and who could be the boss.

    I see now that I am broken and the only option I have now

    Is to have faith and trust in my life’s purpose

    That only the universe is the boss of.

    I am done.

    I am destroyed.

    I am broken

    And that is exactly the way I should be or I guess it wouldn’t have come to this.

    Matt Kahn has this beautiful quote that goes something like this, “in order for me to become who I am destined to become, life couldn’t have happened any other way.”

    So here I am, after what feels like lifetimes of trying, atoning, overcoming, exhaustion and panic,

    And I am broken open and destroyed, so that must be what was meant to be.

    The next steps are to be broken and destroyed and be open to all the inspiration, healing and clarity that surely has more room to do it’s magic.

    One moment at a time, I will sit with myself, I will live my life,

    And be, not try.

    I can envision myself being so vulnerable, so open, so constant and yet in flux,

    Which I guess is exactly what a human life is.

    Constant, yet in flux.

    Broken, yet healed.

    Loving, yet with hateful thoughts.

    It’s funny because as I write this, I see that I’m not destroyed,

    It’s everything that I have thought I am that’s been destroyed and

    What is left is me, sitting here within myself,

    Naked,

    Reborn

    and freed.

    With every breath I take, may I embrace the destruction of the constructs I thought I was and may the deeper me have more room to emerge.

    May the broken concepts and constructs of me continue to dissolve with my utmost admiration, appreciation and respect for the journey we have gone through together

    And may my sweet heart and body know I adore them no matter what and that I am here,

    Loving myself, loving them, and being it all.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Beyond the Breaking Point

    Image from space of ice fractures in the Beaufort Sea.
    Extensive Ice Fractures in the Beaufort Sea by NASA Goddard Photo and Video is licensed under CC-BY 2.0

    In my previous post, I wrote about being at the breaking point. It was a post overflowing with the rawness of emotion I was experiencing at the time. Writing that post gave me courage to be with myself when I was so angry, disappointed and violated. It helped me understand that I didn’t need to know what was coming next, yet.

    Here I am a few days later and I am so grateful for this experience. It taught me that I am my own fiercest protector. In the face of disrespectful behavior, I rose up within myself to see it for what it was and to say enough. I was flooded with a whole spectrum of emotions, all of which I was able to embrace as completely valid. I didn’t have my next steps ready, instead I just gave those huge emotions space to breath and to guide me to what was next.

    This is new territory for me because in the past, I just micro-managed myself, trying to fit into the mold of who I thought I should be. I’ve been unlearning all of that, and I am learning to live my own life, according to my rules, my beliefs, my values and my feelings. It is a gorgeously transformative process that has been incredibly beautiful, rewarding, and exhausting.

    The next morning after writing that post, my next steps became clear. My limits and boundaries had been violated so severely and I was radiating with a giant, booming, “NO MORE,” in the cells of my body. I knew that I owed it to myself to follow those feelings and to make decisions that would allow me to be in a healthier, more respectful environment. In the past, I used to think I had to stay and suffer through it, or try to reason my way through abusive behavior, or make excuses for those being disrespectful. This may be the among the rare times when I heard the “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” scream within me and gave myself permission to act on it. May this be more of my reality going forward (and yours too if this resonates with you).

    I’m learning how to be an expert in me, by working towards getting a PhD in Being Me, and I took major steps forward during this experience. It felt holistic and pure and straight from within me. I didn’t look to others to confirm my next steps, I make those decisions from that inner roar and man, it felt so super good.

    By Friday evening, I was exhausted and depleted and yesterday too. I know how much energy it takes to learn new ways of being and to follow ones instincts in a world full of advice, fads and ways of being. I rode those waves of exhaustion and made sure to praise myself for following my inner voice, for protecting my innocence, for knowing I was worthy of having my boundaries respected and for taking steps to make sure major boundary violations wouldn’t happen again. I was gentle with myself as I went through this and I am smiling while typing this. It feels very good to be learning to honor myself from the inside out.

    If you are in need of gentleness, I support you. I am with you. I haven’t gotten to this place overnight. It has been a life long process, one that has been agonizingly slow at times. It is my hope that in sharing my journey, it will help connect you to what is best for you in your life. I would never dream of making any reader think that they need to do exactly what I am doing. Rather, it is my dream that you, dear reader, may be so full of love, inspiration and hope after visiting this blog that it makes your life easier and gentler.

    May you follow the breadcrumbs of light that I am leaving behind as I walk, type and learn to live from my power. May they lead you to your inner voice and power. May you rise up within yourself, in your own way, to live your life from the inside out, in all of your brilliance and authenticity, despite anything you’ve ever been told about what is wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. We are beautiful humans, being pushed to the breaking point, so we may see what’s on the other side.

    Pssst, I have a secret. I think it’s only freedom, power and greater confidence. Look out world, here we come with songs of hope, torches of light and an abundance of love and healing.

    Big hugs!! xoxoxoxoox

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • My humanness is divine

    Photo by Sam Kolder on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem in 2016-2017. I was having a really hard time bridging what I was learning about spirituality and what I hated about myself. It was through writing this poem and a few others that I realized I was resenting my “humanness” and was trying to rise above it. As I wrote this poem, it taught me a more loving way to embrace all of me. There is a lot of joy, power and possibility in this poem. As you read it, I hope it helps you in some way! Big hugs from me to you!

    My humanness is divine – a poem

    I feel like I am split in two

    right under my heart.

    The split came into place

    because I judged my humanness

    as being less than perfect

    as being un-divine.

    Maybe it wasn’t me who started that feeling

    but I have let it continue within me,

    creating a divide and a separation

    and an ultimate judgement.

    I have strived for perfection and in

    doing so, I have pushed down the

    qualities that I perceived as being in the way

    of this false sense of perfection I was seeking.

    I had no idea I was pushing away myself;

    that with each judgement, I was creating

    a burial ground within me of all that I had

    deemed unacceptable and unholy.

    It is time for me to unearth my buried self.

    It is time for me to reclaim and dig out the passage

    between the humanness and the divinity that I am.

    I made it impossible for there to be a connection 
    between the human me and the divine me and the lower

    half of me has been screaming for my attention for years.

    I made it impossible to hear its screams, or at least

    I made it possible for me to ignore them.

    One step at a time, with a shovel of love, I will unbury and reclaim

    all of myself.  With open arms, I will welcome me home

    to my heart from its prison of hatred and shame.

    With apologies and songs of joy I will work, patiently,

    humbly and honestly, in order to create an opening within me

    so that there can be no more forced burials, only

    openness, love, compassion and tenderness.

    All that I shoved down is what makes me human.

    I am God’s perfect child, as a soul and as a human

    and so are we all.

    What have you buried within you? 

    How are its cries for help, for your love and compassion and acceptance

    manifesting in your life, in your health and in your body?

    Hear the cries my dear friends.

    It is time.

    Yes, it is scary, but it is time to hear it and to own up to the truth.

    You are divine.  You can’t hide it anymore.

    Your humanness is holy and I am here to tell you that you can’t bury it

    anymore.  Rise up and walk and open your arms to you.

    You are perfect and holy just as you are

    and you are your own perfect teacher.

    You have been willing to go through all of this just for you.

    It can’t be more perfect than that.

    Find your shovel and humility, they are right there

    in your heart.

    Let me know what you find.

    Much love to you.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.

  • Reaching in, Reaching out

    Frost patterns on the wood of a deck
    Frost patterns that mirror the natural and raw beauty of what is described in my poem below

    Reaching in, reaching out

    I see an image of me reaching in.

    Reaching inwards to the depths of my being, reaching to find myself.

    I feel myself stirring, awakening and stretching.

    I hear the giant yawn that slowly turns into a growl, then grows louder

    And louder

    Until it roars with the joy of its awakening.

    I hear that roar and I smile. 

    I stand up straighter, taller and with more power coursing through my limbs.

    My smile broadens as I know that I am now more whole, stronger, more complete.

    I no longer feel like I’m reaching in, but instead, that I’m reaching out

    That my long lost self is reaching out to me, thanking me for my patience while it slumbered, rested, and built up strength for the next phase of my life.

    It is reaching out and upwards while simultaneously filling my entire being with its strength, power and wisdom.

    With every breath I take, may I feel more united with this gorgeous, wild and untamed part of myself.

    May I listen to its roar and its desires and hear its wishes.

    May I know that I am the soft whispers I have been feeling for the last several years and this incredible new roar that has emerged.

    Reaching in, reaching out.

    Whispering and roaring.

    Together once again, in and out.

    Whole.

     

     

  • Emergence

    Image of a caterpillar that just emerged from a chrysalis.
    Photo by Nandhu Kumar on Pexels.com

    I wrote this poem in 2016 or so. It is very special to me, as it very beautifully describes how I learned to turn around within myself to find me. No preamble or explanation can really set the stage better than the poem itself. May it inspire you to further emergence of your most wonderful self. xoxoxoxo

    Emergence – a poem

    What if all the longing I felt my whole life was just so simple?

    What if I thought I longed for another, when really,

    I was just longing for myself?

    For my own attention,

    comfort,

    care,

    compassion and

    love?

    What if every time I longed to be passionate about a cause like my friends

    or to have a boyfriend or

    a romantic encounter,

    all I really wanted was for me to turn around

    and take a look at the beauty and rawness that was always there?

    What if all of the external things were only traps

    that I unknowingly fell into again and again,

    feeling the press and pressure to fall in

    from society

    from family

    from what is expected

    and normal

    and what should be done?

    What if now I’ve fallen enough times?

    What if I choose to be done climbing out of the holes and traps?

    What if I choose to turn around,

    to be bold and brave

    and to embrace the me that has always been here;

    the real me,

    the one who has been patiently waiting for me,

    the one who never longed, desired, craved or grew angry?

    The one who accepted me and all of the distractions I got caught up in,

    knowing that at one point,

    its love, benevolence and grace

    would catch my true attention.

    What would happen then?

    What did happen….

    I learned to turn around and

    I found a raw, pure and innocent part of my being that has always been with me.

    It has an unbroken connection to infinity

    to the stars

    to the universe

    to the divinity within all.

    I went for it.

    I stepped toward it and it has been entering me and filling me since.

    Where it will take me, I don’t know, but I’m not falling, I’m only

    cycling with the waves of emotion that are rising up within me

    from such a radical

    yet obvious

    choice.

    Through a willingness to have an open heart,

    to live from vulnerability instead

    of from fear and protection

    and a realisation that all of my dreams had come true

    before I had even noticed,

    I turned around.

    At that point, the gateway to my vulnerability opened

    and it was gently guided by a beautiful soul

    who whispered to me,

    who helped me turn around and thank myself.  He helped me

    to realise the beauty in my own heart and

    to feel the purity and innocence within me;

    radiating and pulsing like a star about to be born.

    I am grateful to be here.

    I am grateful to be emerging.

    May I fly like the firefly,

    landing gently on the arms of my fellow brothers and sisters,

    reminding them of the light that is within them…

    if only they would just turn around

    and look.

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Ambassadors

    A gorgeous sunset in Kemptville that reminded me of the glory and strength within the hearts of all

    From 2015 to 2018, I was so deeply inspired by the massive spiritual and personal growth I was going through. I would often just be making a meal, sitting, or working and then I would be filled with some words that I just had to type out very quickly. As I understand it now, the divide between my inner wisdom and my awareness was getting smaller and I was being guided from within through these poems.

    I remember the day I wrote Ambassadors the poem below. I was on my lunch break and I was going to start making myself some food. I was drawn to a notebook and I wrote out this poem and then just kept going on with my day. Later on when I typed it out, I realized how beautiful, deep and profound it was. If you have been going through any type of spiritual growth or awakening, may this bring you some comfort and guidance. Alternatively, if you have been working on finding yourself and living your true life, then may it also help you find what makes you feel your best.

    Thanks for reading and may you be well! xoxoxoxo

    Ambassadors – a poem

    We are ambassadors to a new world.
We grieve, we cry, we rage and we hate
because we see and feel the mess we are in as humanity.
Your grief, tears, rage and hatred are a blessing to the world.
Without them, what would change?

You already know in your soul and your bones that you were born
to usher in a new world.  It is okay to have forgotten it, I did.
Do you feel it calling to you from within?
Do you notice how people live so automatically,
without question, like drones?
Is your body asking for a change in food, routine or job?

These represent You calling out to You to wake up,
to breathe, to rise up, to soar and to learn more about you,
so you and all of your gifts can be shared with our world
that so desperately needs them.

This is the era of self-care,
the time to get to know yourself better,
to give yourself supreme care, nourishment, love, compassion,
gentleness and tenderness.

It is time to rise up my dear ones.
It is time to turn back to you,
to be strengthened, nourished and replenished to carry out
your mission of being an ambassador to the New Earth,
to the new way of relating to the self and to the self in all.

Spend time with you, put down your device, magazines, newspapers, etc.
Just be with yourself, even if you are uncomfortable.
Notice your feelings and offer yourself love.
Try being with yourself instead of avoiding you and how it feels to be you.

Become the superhero of your own life,
rescue yourself from your own suffering first, 
then you can step into being an ambassador more fully.

Work with your body, learn what foods it wants, how much sleep it needs,
and if you need to take more conscious breathing breaks.
Care for yourself and let the universe fill you with your next steps.

You’re never alone.
It just starts with you.  Know you are capable and worthy;
if you don’t, be kind to you, just as you would to a little seed
you planted in a drought.
The rains and sunlight of your attention are all that is needed to help you,
as the seed, to blossom.

Just as a baby forms through the codes in DNA and the magic of creation,
you can grow and blossom into all of you, 
embodying the magic of creation, of the universe, within you.

Care for yourself and see that all of you has been patiently waiting for you
to notice so that you may blossom.

Care for you and all the instructions you need will be revealed as they are required.

Honor yourself, dear one, and the rest will follow.


© Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • How I Feel is Nobody’s Fault

    The sun shining behind tree branches covered in ice.
    The sun setting through ice covered tree branches

    For as long as I can remember, I haven’t taken responsibility for how I feel. I have blamed or resented other people, thinking it was their fault I was mad, sad, disempowered, or overwhelmed.

    I have related to life as a victim for a very long time. I even remember writing in my diary in grade 6 and thinking to myself, “Ah, look at that, this is the role I will be playing in my life.” It was like my inner wisdom was observing me taking on the persona of victimhood.

    I have had a lifetime of Oscar worthy performances as a victim, with many breakthroughs over the years where I live from a more empowered and confident place. Thankfully, through my efforts to get to know, love, and care for myself, I am seeing the role of “victim” for what it is, a role.

    Maybe as I get closer to getting a PhD in Being Me, I am also becoming my own casting director in the play of my life. Maybe I am also the executive producer, star performer, prompter, props person, and even playwright. Maybe that’s why I recently had the thought: How I feel is nobody’s fault.

    I first had that thought while I was walking the dogs in mid-January. It was like I stepped outside of myself and looked at my life from a place of emotional freedom, and those words, “How I feel is nobody’s fault,” trickled into my being and unshackled me. This was very profound for me because of my pattern of blaming and resenting others instead of taking responsibility for myself.

    For example, with chronic fatigue syndrome, I have limited energy each day. Sometimes, when I was especially tired, I would resent my chores, my job, my body, my family, or my dogs. It has been hard for me to remember deep in my being that it is no one’s fault I am so tired or that I choose to resent or blame instead of just being tired. The truth is, I have been resenting and blaming for a long time, way before I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. That realization of “how I feel is nobody’s fault” has shifted my perspective to one where I can take responsibility for how I feel, which frees me from blame, resentment, and perpetual victimhood.

    For two days after those words, “How I feel is nobody’s fault,” I kept repeating that realization to myself and feeling the freedom within it. I was more liberated in terms of how I related to others and the responsibilities in my life. It was heavenly. I then was thrust back into feeling like a victim until that freedom and sense of peace and self autonomy came back to me.

    I expect that I will cycle through this realization as it deepens and loosens up those rigid, disempowered aspects of my being until I am more free, autonomous, and accountable to and responsible for myself. May the loosening and softening be as loving, gentle, and respectful as possible for me, for you dear reader, and for all. No force or pressure, just beautiful dawning and expanding of autonomy in all aspects of our individual and collective beingness.

    A NOTE: This realization stems from me relating to life as a victim. This realization is from my inner work and isn’t meant to tell anyone who is being abused or hurt by another in any way that it is not their abusers fault. Abuse of any kind is not okay, and it is wrong. If you are in an abusive situation, I love you, and it is not your fault. I encourage you to reach out to loved ones or professional support where you live, and may you receive all the love, support, and care you need.

    Thank you for reading. Wherever you are in your life or how you are feeling, I support you!

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Overwhelmed and angry

    I have really been enjoying feeling angry in the last month. I have a complicated relationship with anger…I used to shove it down….I used to be scared of what I would do if I got angry, so I wouldn’t let myself even feel it. The problem is that it was fermenting and boiling inside of me.

    I am feeling really hopeful because it has been easier for me to feel anger, which is a fabulous step in giving myself permission to feel anger. It also will allow anger to signal to me when there is a problem, which is its beautiful and very important purpose.

    I wrote the following as I was exploring these new feelings. May it help you in connecting with any feelings you have also denied, shut down or shoved down. Thank you for reading. May your heart be light ❤️.

    “Here I am
    Yet again
    Motherf#$&<ng mad and resentful as shit.
    It is overflowing from all over and within me and I hate it.
    I don’t want to feel this way.
    I don’t like it and it doesn’t feel like the way I want to feel.
    But here it is anyway, this anger and resentment is overwhelmingly loud,
    “What about me”
    And
    “Leave me alone” fill my being.
    I can imagine where those loud feelings come from but I still hate them.
    They are valid and completely fair, I just hate them anyway.
    I feel like I become a monster with no limits, just a big gaping maw of anger and
    this scares me.
    I trust myself and I feel incredibly guilty after this crushing wave of anger but I still trust myself.
    I wish I could trust the anger, trust what it is telling me about my needs to rest, put myself first and be still, but sometimes there is still life to live, so how do I balance it all?
    How do I invite more joy in my life without being realistic that I don’t always have energy for those joy bringing activities?
    Hmm, maybe it’s okay to get angry.
    What if I only feel guilty because I think I shouldn’t get angry?
    I love having boundaries. I love feeling them. I love knowing so easily now when one is being crossed and I need to take action.  I f@#$ing love it.
    So…the past 2 times I got angry, my boundaries of what is acceptable behavior were massively violated. And I got angry. I guess what I’d like to do is respond in a way that feels better, less reactive, and more in a way I can feel better about. Like using my anger as a guide and then taking it a step further and using that anger to power a more conscious response instead of a lashing out response. That feels good.  Okay, great. Thanks anger and resentment for teaching me this important lesson.  I really appreciate it.  There are always options, eh?  Xoxoxo”

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.

  • How a total lunar eclipse helped me

    Photo by Alex Andrews on Pexels.com

    I have chronic fatigue syndrome and anxiety, but I also have a huge heart, a cute innocence about the way I interact with the world, a love of swearing, a tall, strong body and an awakening consciousness that sometimes truly humbles and astounds me.

    That was a long sentence, but it was needed to show the greater totality of me. I am not just one aspect of my beingness, I am it all. And no one part is any greater or less worthy than other, and that is what the total lunar eclipse I witnessed the other day reminded me of.

    My husband Robbin told us that we could witness the eclipse between 3 and 6am. I thought it would be awesome to observe but sleep is very critical to my days so I didn’t plan to wake up. At 4:30am though, I felt this call from deep within me to awaken. It was really different than how I usually wake up in the early morning hours, it really was a calling. When I woke up enough, I realized it was the eclipse calling to me.

    I hurried out of bed and went out onto the back deck, and there it was. A gorgeous full moon that was so bright but with a significant portion of it covered in darkness. I felt so alive and grateful, I stayed out there getting colder and feeling the beauty and power in what I was so blessed to witness.

    I climbed back into bed and opened the curtains so I could watch the transition to a full eclipse while lying down. It was an incredible and awe-inspiring experience. I got to watch our backyard and the moon transform from fully illuminated to being covered in darkness, just like in the image at the top of this post.

    I ran outside again as there was only the tiniest sliver of light showing on the edge of the moon. I drank in the magic and mystery of this beautiful eclipse and it fed me deep in my soul and bones. I couldn’t seem to get enough. As I returned to bed and continued to watch, I saw the parallel between the total lunar eclipse and my life.

    It seemed like the time leading up to the total eclipse went by very quickly, but when the moon was completely dark, it stayed that way for so long. While totally dark, the moon was deep orange/brown, which showed me that the light reflecting off the moon was still there, and was likely visible in other parts of the world (I am no astronomer 😁).

    Seeing how long the moon was covered in darkness made me think of my chronic fatigue. I mentioned in earlier posts how I used to think I was doing something wrong by being so drained and tired. The eclipse showed me how even a miraculous process to witness has a process and stages, just like me.

    The phase of total darkness was no less incredible than gazing at a bright full moon in the sky. It was equally worthy of my awe and attention, if not more worthy because it only happens rarely as opposed to the near daily experience I have of seeing the moon in the sky.

    The total lunar eclipse reminded me that there is beauty, worth and value in our most dark stages, and that darkness is not synonymous with bad. In fact, I have learned so much about self-love, self-care and compassion for myself and others through this time period in my life. Thank you total lunar eclipse and chronic fatigue. Thank you for your gifts. With every breath I take, may I be open to receiving them and less in a hurry to move past this important and worthy phase of my life.

    No matter where you are in life with your physical, emotional, energetic, financial, or spiritual health, may you be blessed with an abundance of love, peace, inspiration, clarity and heavily light to guide you.

    With love, Bradlee 💕💕💕

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.