I am like a thief, carrying around a burgled bag of jewels, only I’m carrying around my power and I’m always scared of being caught holding it.
Why would I be scared of owning and holding my power? Isn’t it mine? Doesn’t it belong to me?
Despite the fact that I am carrying it around, sometimes I seem to lose it and I’m stuck wondering, where did my power go?
Why it is even so separate from me? Why am I carrying it around instead of embodying it? Who first took it and did I give it willingly, thinking it would get me the love I so craved but couldn’t get or give to myself?
In this last week, I watched myself give my power away and then feel ashamed, small and weak while others were trying to help me after I gave them such a valuable, treasured part of me. I wasn’t able to stop myself from giving it away and I got to see the devastating effect it had on me to be without it.
Dearest power, I love you and I’m so sorry for thinking I could barter and give you away in order to be more whole. I want nothing more than to be with you, to live with you, to be full of you, to breathe you in more deeply with every inhalation. I want to hold you close and never let you go because you are a part of me and I need you. Dearest power, I need you, not whatever it is I was trading you for. I don’t ever want to cry the tears of our separation ever again, instead I want to dance in ecstasy with you and revel in the joys of our unification. I want to feel someone asking me to give you away to them and feel so overjoyed that I don’t need to do that anymore, knowing that you and I are forever as one.
Dearest power, I love you and I’m so grateful to be writing this ode to you instead of crying tears over how I’ve given you away yet again.
Dearest power, with every breathe I take, may I make the healthiest and wisest choices to keep us more healed, whole and integrated together than ever before and may we inspire others to do the same.
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 