In 2018, I went through several months of exploring my faith. I don’t have a religion, although I was baptized Christian. For many years now, I’ve been learning about God, Creator, the Universe in my own way, and it has felt really important and authentic for me. The text below was really about me trying to make sense of what I was feeling during a very turbulent time, and learning how to have faith in God. This post is in honor of my precious friend, Carla.
When I falter
There are times when I falter. I forget how special and important I am, and I rely on my decision making skills from my past, and I slip back into the fog of unconsciousness. I again wear the cloak of darkness that makes it so it doesn’t feel like it’s a big deal to make choices that aren’t the best for me. I am able to rationalize most anything when I am wearing that cloak. God loves me so much, He makes it easy for me to don the cloak so that I get the pleasure and challenge of finding my way back home to Him, to my Heart, to my healthiest ways of living. It’s like I get a chance to relearn faith each and every time. It is like with each time I can take the cloak off and hang it up on a hanger that is farther and farther away from me.
May I honor that cloak and our Lord as one and the same, as they are both my greatest teachers, and
each just teaches me from a different perspective. One is not better than the other and it is time for me to forgive myself for all the times I put on the cloak of darkness and forgot my heart’s song. God was with me, singing the song for me each time I wore the cloak and the reason why it feels so beautiful and free when I take the cloak off is because that is when I sing along with God and remember that I’ve never been alone and that I have a beautiful voice and a very sacred song to sing. Sat Naam.
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 
Thank sweet Bradlee for dedicating your post to me feel so honor and blessed of our loving friendship ❤️ I resonate with your poem so much. Tears of gratitude and acceptance that my faith has faltered at times of seeking guidance and comfort. The symbol of the “cloak ” is so symbolic and fills my heart with memories of when I have felt alone during my grieving of my dad and grandma’s passing. This layer light over came within my soul. This light and spirit of not only did it bring comfort of not being alone but a strength that I didn’t know I had to move forward. May your light and inspiration continue to uplift loving people around you. Love you lots xo Carla
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Hi sweetie Carla! I love you lots and it was my super honor to dedicate this post to you! Thank you for sharing about your faith through your journey of grieving with me. I am so grateful for our friendship!!! You are so special to me Carla!! Love lots!!!
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