Sometimes I wonder how I got to be 42 and I’m only now deepening my trust in myself. Other times, I understand exactly how I am at this place. The most important point I’d like to make is that it is a huge accomplishment and blessing that I now trust myself. After a lifetime of second guessing myself and looking to others to know what’s in my best interests, I am feeling much more confident.
What does trusting myself look like in every day life? Here are some examples:
- following my intuition (my gut) even when people are giving me advice that is contrary to those feelings
- knowing that I belong to myself, so that no matter where I go, I will be with myself, I will fit in and I will belong
- trusting in my ability to make healthy and wise choices for myself instead of only following advice that is on a blog, in a book, on Facebook or from a friend or family member
Now that I am more connected to who I am (and really, who I’ve always been), I am able to understand how little I trusted or believed in myself. I have been learning to tend the garden of my mind, heart, body and soul, and I am acquiring the skills I need to be my own eternal and precious gardener. I see now that I am the master gardener, even if I sometimes only feel like a beginner or intermediate gardener.
I have committed to making my garden more cared for, tended and weeded. I can see, feel and sense the huge difference these last few years of care have made to my eternal garden. I wrote a poem called The Eternal Gardener for a friend of mine a few years ago. I thought it was for him and about him, but I always had this funny feeling that I was missing the mark. As I’ve been writing this post, I understand that it is really for me, from the deepest part of me to the part of me who forget herself and didn’t know how to trust herself.
I am often humbled by the enormity of the wisdom and light that comes out of my fingertips as I type and from my mouth when I speak, and this is a time for me to truly trust that wisdom and light and acknowledge it in a more grateful and empowered way. This sentence really highlights the whole point of getting a PhD in Being Me and I truly hope that by reading this blog you are more empowered to become an expert if yourself too.
I share this poem with all of you, from the depth of my heart and soul to the depth of yours. With every word you read of this poem, may it help facilitate, nurture and strengthen your trust and connection to the awesomeness you are, and have always been. With so much love, Bradlee.
The Eternal Gardener
I want you to know yourself as I know you;
As the breath that we all breathe,
As the song in the wind,
As the light that warms our planet,
As the balm that heals all wounds.
I want you to know yourself as I see you;
With all of the glory, beauty and purity of
God’s holy name that whispers
in each and every heartbeat.
Your words are like magic as they weave through my being,
neatly and tidily collecting all suffering and carrying it home to Heaven.
You are a gift to all who meet you and I honour you.
I honour that you need time to realize your beauty and divinity
and that it is only my role to notice and compliment your gifts.
It will be up to you to dance your dance,
and to sing your song,
with no judgement,
thought of worthiness or
regard for embarrassment.
I will wait for you and I will be with you,
to love you and encourage you, dearest gardener, as you plant
your own seeds of love.
May you watch them grow
and may you learn how to nourish them
as you so effortlessly do for the souls you encounter.
Take your time, dear gardener and tend your own
precious garden and I will be here to rejoice with you
as you watch the blossoming unfold.
I will be here to shine my sunlight
and offer some drops of my own water,
should you ever need it.
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 