Disappointment

Disappointment – a poem

Note from me: I wrote this poem a few months ago and I’d been wondering where I saved it! Well, I found it this morning, and lo and behold, it has a similar feel to the one I published yesterday about Rage. I can feel how much easier it is for me to be with my strong feelings instead of pushing them down like I used to. I am finding so much strength in admitting my feelings, my weaknesses, my chronic fatigue and anxiety. I used to think that being human made me weak, but now I see that owning my humanity through being open and vulnerable, both with myself and others, is a friggin superpower.

Disappointment.

It is flowing through my bones.

It seems to start deep down within me

And it works its way up through my conscious awareness

Until I feel it winding its way around my organs.

It starts squeezing them, choking them off from their energy source.

The disappointment seeps into every aspect of my beingness

And it seems to want to choke me from the inside.

Disappointment.

I want to run away from it but there is nowhere I can hide

Because it is everywhere within me.

I want to drown it and be the one to choke it but I can’t seem to grasp it.

The bitterness of the disappointment echoes everywhere within my body, which

Keep it going and going and going.

Disappointment.

Why? 

Why are people so disappointing?

Why is the state of our world like this, so utterly disappointing?

Why can’t we seem to overcome this madness, this unconsciousness?

Either way, I won’t be able to answer these questions,

Because it’s just me and this massive disappointment.

I guess we’d better learn to coexist and hang out together.

……

Hey disappointment….I know you’re here for a reason, an especially good reason.

You are super valid.  People are pretty damn disappointing lately.

Wanna watch a movie and eat some pizza together?

Let’s keep each other company while we nurture these strong feelings.

And may they be healed with every moment that I am honest about my experience, for myself, for the disappointed, for the ones causing disappointment and for all.

© Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.