I am reaching
Reaching across my inner divide
To the one who feels so unsafe and so unloved
But I see I have been reaching in the wrong direction
I have been doing so much to control my environment to keep myself safe
And I have been talking nicely and kindly to myself
But in this moment, I see how it’s almost like I was aiming at the wrong target.
Or maybe not, maybe the target has moved and the cry of my innocence has finally reached my awareness.
Oh my dearest innocence, I love you.
I am so exhausted trying to reach across this chasm within me to protect you. I must be going about this in all the wrong ways. I have been trying to get self-love and self care ‘right’ lately, and I am utterly spent, and I feel no closer to loving and honouring you.
Maybe I will sit here, within myself and just listen, be present and stop trying. Just sit. Just be. Just listen. Just stop.
Note: I have had a difficult time the last several weeks. I wrote this on one of my tough days, and I love it. I love how tired I was of trying to make myself feel good, safe and loved, and how that led me to just be with myself. I have a fixer/manager/protector part of myself, which I super respect, but what I needed in this instance was to hold space for myself. Not to fix, manage or protect but to be with myself. I wish you so much love as you navigate any tough days or weeks or months or years.
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2024. All Rights Reserved
PhD in Being Me 
Hi Bradlee, there’s great value in just being with someone, even if it’s ourself. And yet it’s hard to remember that I can stop trying to fix, to improve, to reassure, to advise people and myself. Sometimes all we need is a listener or a loving witness and companion. Hugs and love to you!
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Hi beautiful Susan! Thanks so much for sharing your reflections and experience with me! I agree it can be hard to remember, so I will carry your lovely words about being “a loving witness and companion,” to remind me. Lots of love and hugs to you too! Xoxoxo
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