PhD in Being Me

Category: Lessson Learned

  • Snails are slow, and sometimes, so am I

    A close up image of a snail, with its two antenna extended and its shell in the background.
    Snails are so cute, they make me smile

    I love snails. I often pick them up off the road and place them on the plants on the side of the road. I love watching how slowly and deliberately they move along a plant or the ground. They bring their homes wherever they go, and they seem to enjoy taking their time to get where they are going.

    When I walk the dogs and I come across a group of snails, I always want to stop and just watch them. For such little, slow-moving creatures, they have such an ability to inspire and bring joy. They remind me that even though I move slowly with chronic fatigue sometimes, I can still inspire and bring joy.

    A snail’s life is no less important than a fast cheetah’s, so it makes me wonder why I have put so much pressure on myself to get better and be faster than I am now. I have learned so much from having chronic fatigue syndrome. I am now more effective, efficient, and productive, and I excel at resting and paying attention to my precious body’s cues. Because I have limited energy, I use what I have wisely and only on tasks that matter to me and have high value.

    I love how the cute little snails on my road gave me such an opportunity to validate and appreciate myself, even on days where I move slower than a snail.

    No matter what pace you can go in your daily life, or how far you go, may you know that your life and you matter and are perfectly valid. Big hugs and thanks for reading.

    A snail with a striped shell on a yellow flower
    You matter, no matter how fast or slowly you move through life

  • A balm for your soul – a story post

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    A balm for your soul – a story post
    May Nature's beauty be a balm for your soul 💖.

  • Give yourself time

    Picture of author smiling with hearts and rainbow stickers.
    A big smile from my healing heart to yours

    I have been so hard on myself for having chronic fatigue syndrome, for being anxious, for not being good enough, for having cellulite, for not “getting better” fast enough and for so many other reasons.

    You know what though? I am more than good enough and my journey through life is amazingly valid. Today, my heart said, “give yourself time and be proud of everything you are healing, overcoming and learning through your challenges and feelings. “

    My heart asked me to share its messages with you too. Please give yourself time and grace. You are so worthy of receiving that, even if you don’t know how to give that to yourself. You are precious and you matter 💖.

    If it hurts to read that because you don’t feel able or worthy of receiving it, you are super precious and you matter. I used to not believe those words, and I definitely didn’t know how to say kind things to myself. I learned how to do that in 2015, and it gets easier every day…please give yourself time to learn to love and honor yourself.

    By giving ourselves time, instead of keeping ourselves in a pressure cooker, we learn that we are valid. We learn that our worth is not determined by our circumstances or how quickly or slowly we heal or learn to love ourselves.

    Let’s give ourselves time to learn how to be with ourselves while we do hard things. Let’s give ourselves time to honor our pain, joy, anger and sadness. Let’s give ourselves time to get to know our bodies and what they need from us. Let’s give ourselves time to be fully us and to reclaim any banished parts of ourselves.

    This isn’t a race and there are no prizes. The rewards are huge though; being able to love yourself, being able to connect to the needs of your body, heart, mind and soul, and more.

    If you’re interested, this is the video that sparked a love revolution within me: https://youtu.be/ZjwTW-sjIto

    Big hugs and take all the time you need!

    Xoxoxo

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Say yes to vulnerability

    Bradlee and her dog Archie, facing each other on the couch and touching heads.
    Me and sweetie Archie sharing a vulnerable and tender moment. He is so precious!

    Introduction

    When I wrote this short but powerful poem, I knew the concepts, but was learning to really know them, deep in my bones. A few years later, I can see how far I have come and I am proud of myself. It is not easy to unlearn the ways of the world or one’s conditioning, nor is it easy to be super vulnerable, open and honest. What I have discovered though, is that it is harder not to be.

    My life was much more difficult when I shoved my emotions down, and when I tried to hide or cover up parts of myself. I have found strength in being vulnerable and in embracing what I had labelled as my weaknesses and not nice parts. May this poem inspire and nurture you. You are lovely just as you are and may you find strength in being all of you, each and every day.

    Say yes to vulnerability – a short poem

    Say yes to vulnerability.

    Say yes to all the ways you thought you shouldn’t be.

    Say yes to being honest.

    Say yes to admitting you are struggling.

    Say yes to choosing love over fear.

    Say yes to peace.

    Say yes to having your walls knocked down.

    Say yes and thank you to the fear that wants to keep you safe.

    Say yes to having your safe-haven opened and exposed.

    Say yes to you;

    all that is waiting for you is you

    and more love than you ever imagined possible.

    You are very worthy of saying yes to.

    xoxoxoxoxo

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Resting to reset – anxiety story

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    Resting to reset – anxiety story

  • Different isn’t wrong

    It is very easy as a sensitive, empathic person to think that I am doing something wrong. It happens usually when someone does something differently than me. It is very sad that I automatically assume that I am doing something wrong. Thankfully, I have been learning to nurture myself so that I can embrace the little me who doubts herself and doesn’t think she’s good enough.

    I recently had an experience where I was excited to share something new I tried. One of the responses I received very quickly made me feel like I had done it wrong, even though it had turned out pretty well. The two photos below show how I felt at first (doubting myself, unsure, concerned), and then how I responded a few seconds later (loving and validating myself).

    Bradlee with a look on her face like, "the way I did it wasn't good enough"
    Bradlee with a loving look on her face with a caption saying "your way is very valid honey, it's just different."

    How do you feel when you do something that is different than others? Do you judge yourself? Second guess yourself? Wish you could disappear because you can’t seem to get it right? I am with you. I lived like that for so many years and it is still my default response. Thankfully, I can stop myself, know that I am valid just as I am, and continue on. I still get shaken and I still doubt myself sometimes, but I’m miles from where I once was.

    I learned how to love and compliment myself from Matt Kahn. If you haven’t checked him out, I encourage you to. He is so compassionate, caring, wise and loving. I learned that sensitive, empathic people really need to learn to give love to themselves, because they are generally very good at giving it to others. He teaches about giving yourself compliments and acknowledging the good you do each day. I started doing that in 2015 and it has been a very transformative process. It is very easy to berate and judge yourself, but giving yourself a compliment can be hard, but super, super rewarding.

    For example, I might say, “You know honey, there are lots of ways to do [insert task]. I loved how you tried something new and it turned out. Maybe you just invented a new way of doing things.” Or I might say, “Things are starting to feel hard this evening. You’ve done so well today, how about you take a rest?” Those are little ways I show up for myself now and it has created a buffer that helps me deal with negativity, judgement or different ways of doing things.

    You’re doing great. Even if you feel terrible or things are going terribly, you are still wonderful. You are so worthy of love, compliments, care and attention. I honor you and your uniqueness and you are so much more than your circumstances. No matter what, may you know that you are still valid, even if you do things differently than others. I send you big hugs!

    © Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.

  • Being here

    Being here

    Introduction

    This poem is a follow up to a few of my recent posts (Choosing consciously, and Being while doing) about living more consciously and being aware of my life as I’m living it. This has been one of my goals for several years now and I seem to go through times where this is easy and times when I live in a fog. May this poem inspire you and call to your deepest self so you may be your own best companion and witness. May we all take a moment to love and nurture our hearts, bodies, minds, and souls. Big hugs!!

    Being here – a poem

    When my feet hit the ground, I want to be there.

    When my nose inhales the smell of spring, I want to be there.

    When my head turns to better hear and see the birds singing their joyous songs, I want to be there.

    When my hand holds my dog’s leash and I am taking her for a walk, I want to be there.

    When I look into my child’s eyes and see the beauty of their soul shining out, I want to be there.

    When my husband kisses me, I want to be there, in my lips and in my body, to feel his tenderness and his love for me.

    When my body aches, I want to be there.

    When the sun shines and it soothes my soul, I want to be there to feel it, breathe it in and be nourished by it.

    It is so easy to be outside of ourselves.  It is so easy to be lost in thoughts, swirling in a maze and whirlwind, right outside of our heads, lost in a vortex that never stops.

    I want to feel the vortex and let the majesty, beauty and pain within life pull me back to me.  I want to be an active participant in my life.  I want to be here no matter what is going on. 

    I want to be with my teeth as they chew my food.

    I want to be with my digestive system as it takes what it needs from the food and lets the rest pass through.

    I want to be with my nervous system as I navigate through life, one deep breath at a time.

    I want to be with my eyes as they witness both incredible cruelty and magnificent beauty. 

    I want to be with my ears as they hear songs of love and words of hatred.

    I want to be with my body as the desire to dance wells up from my belly and makes me get up.

    I want to be here, with myself, with each experience. 

    Always.  Now. Forever. 

    Being here. 

    Being there, wherever I am.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2023. All Rights Reserved

  • Choosing consciously

    5 stacked rocks on the shore of the ocean with a colorful sunset in the background.
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    A note: This poem is a follow up to the post I published the other day about living with presence and bringing more of my care, attention and awareness to life. I have cycled through being more conscious and present in my life and I am coming alive to my life once again. No matter where you are on your journey of mindfulness and presence, I wish you well and may you show yourself compassion. Big hugs!

    Choosing consciously – a poem

    If I do something and

    feel like I don’t have a choice,

    I will be drained, hopeless and exhausted.

    If I do that same something

    but bring myself to the task

    and choose to do it

    because I want to,

    I am no longer choiceless.

    If I know that taking the garbage out

    and washing the pots are the last thing I want to do,

    but I do them anyway,

    I age, decay and slowly die inside.

    If I recognize that I don’t

    want to do those tasks and

    be gentle and caring with myself,

    instead of forcing my way on,

    I blossom, heal and nourish myself.

    It is a very subtle distinction,

    but I do believe it is

    the key to ending cycles of abuse,

    by using our free will even where

    it seems like we don’t have any.

    May we all find the little ways in which we can liberate

    ourselves from choicelessness of all forms,

    one conscious choice at a time.

  • For the human in all of us

    Photo of my backyard. Lots of grass with forest in the background, with a mist covering part of it.
    Sometimes my perspective is slightly cloudy and misty. I stop, breathe, and remember my humanity and my vision clears.

    Sometimes, I find myself getting very frustrated by how slowly things change in our world. I am constantly reflecting, growing, evolving, and improving the way I relate to myself and the world.  I find it hard when things don’t keep up with my expectations.

    When I am frustrated and want things to be better, I stop and focus on the human I am interacting with. I remember their humanity. I remember that they have feelings, hopes and dreams, and they are likely doing the best they can. If they can’t meet me where I’m at and I find myself getting frustrated, I can take a deep breath.  I can remember that there is a human in front of me who is deserving of love, validation, and acknowledgment.  They are there, reminding me of the depth of experience possible that comes from interacting consciously with a person, even if I don’t like what is going on, what they are saying or what I am feeling. 

    With every interaction I have, may I share love, validation, and respect to all, including myself.  May we all remember that we are human, that we all respond well when we aren’t treated as objects but as beautiful beings. 

    It also helps me to remember that I am a human.  I have ups and downs, triggers, emotions, passions, etc.  When things aren’t going well in a situation, I breathe and remember that I am human, the people around me are human and we all have basic needs.  When I remember this, I can approach a situation from a more heart centered instead of judgemental place. 

    I see you dear reader, and I hope you know how much I appreciate you taking your time to read this post. May your interactions be blessed with so much care and respect and humanity.

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2023. All Rights Reserved

     

     

     

  • A little space

    Do you ever feel like you need a little space? Gosh, I know I do! If you can relate to the facial expressions below, please read on and check out my video further down ❤️❤️.

    Me with my hand covering half my face.
    I am smiling here and resting my head on my forehead. Sometimes I add some swearing too
    Me, with my head tilted to the side with a "oh no, not again" expression on my face.
    This is my “no, not again” face. It’s usually for the dogs, and may be accompanied by swearing
    Me with an attempt at making an irritated look, with one eyebrow down and a frown.
    I had fun with these photos. This one is half irritated, half me trying to capture my exasperation for you.

    Sometimes, you need a little space. When life feels like too much, when there is too much to do, or too many demands from others on your time. A little space is a free and easy way to rebalance and recharge so you can come back to feeling like yourself.

    I fully acknowledge that the more stress and pressure in life, the more space is needed. Sometimes we can give that to ourselves, but sometimes we can’t because we are caretakers, or our work requires it. In this short video, I give a few examples of how you can give yourself some space.

    I was inspired to put this post together this afternoon because I needed space big time. It’s felt like a big week, and I am tired out today. My dogs seem to know when I am more tired, and they push the boundaries hard as a result. I yelled at them earlier and just felt so crowded. I recognize this may not seem like a big deal, but I am recovering from a lifetime of letting others take up my personal space, and my dogs are my best teachers. I get so harried and overwhelmed when my boundaries are violated, and I decided to make a change this afternoon to help myself out.

    I had a quick errand to run, so I thought that would be a way to get some space. I almost came back home right away, but I decided to pause and consider what would help me the most. I decided to get some gas for my Lovemobile (https://phdinbeingme.ca/2022/07/04/phd-in-being-me-in-action/) and some fries, and it made a huge difference. I don’t think it was about the fries or seeing people at the gas station. I think it was much more about needing to do my own thing, by myself, so I could recharge. And even recognizing that I needed that time out of the house.

    From my heart to yours, here are some other ways I have found to get a little space while not leaving my home:

    • Pulling up weeds is a free way to connect with nature, get your feelings out and be outside
    • Washing dishes while playing your favorite song
    • Taking a longer than usual shower or bath and enjoying the feeling of the water
    • Saying no to demands from everyone and enjoying something that brings pleasure or smiles to your heart
    • Lying on your bed when you can be alone and spending 5 minutes deep breathing
    • Looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling and saying nice things to yourself, even if you look and feel like shit. This is very effective for me. It allows me to show up for and see myself, even in my worst moments.

    I first really understood the true value of space from Matt Kahn, a spiritual teacher and author who had helped me a lot (www.mattkahn.org). He explained how we need space so we can empty out our energetic recycling bin. He also helped me to know that anger and irritation is a sure sign that space is needed to process, integrate, and empty our recycling bin. I use those emotions as cues to take a few minutes to a few hours to take care of myself.

    I sincerely hope this post was helpful for you. If not, I hope you laughed at my hilarious facial expressions. Please share how you give yourself a little space. Big hugs!

    ©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2023. All Rights Reserved.