Do you ever feel like life has many layers and levels? Like it’s different when you live on the surface of the waters of your life, compared to the middle or even the deepest depths? Lately, I’ve been so aware of the difference. I will attempt to explain.
You know the bugs that swirl in a little tempest around your head on a hot summer day? They are very small, but they consume so much space and they are very unsettling. When I’m living on the surface of my waters, there are lots of little bugs that fly all around my head. Those little bugs are like all the swirling thoughts that take up so much space in my mind, body and heart. They make it so hard to concentrate on what is really important. When I remember to take a few deep breaths, sit down and consciously choose how to spend my time and energy, I start to sink deeper into the waters of my life. From that place, there is less noise and there are less distractions. It is quieter within me.
If I’m feeling really like I need to be replenished on the inside, I lie down for ten minutes or so, and I put my hand on my heart and the other on my belly. Then I just breathe and sink. The more I breathe, the more alive my body feels and the quieter it is inside of me. It’s like I have found the depths of my ocean and I am discovering new places, new insights, new viewpoints and new life.
Our planet has so many levels within it, and each one has different types of life forms. I don’t think I’m any different. When I’m on the surface of me, I am scattered, aimless and easily overwhelmed. When I settle into a middle place, I am calmer, more confident and more grounded. Other days, I settle so deep into myself that I feel like I am one of those bottom dwellers in the ocean that have their own glow to light their way. I can feel the light and love pouring out of me and I feel ready to change the world. I love being in that deep place. I love being around other people when I have reached my depths because I feel like I can give them the deepest love living within me.
On days when the chronic fatigue syndrome robs my body of any energy and my muscles, head and guts hurt from fatigue, I can still breathe deeply and reach my depths. Nothing can take those away from me. I am my depths no matter what. I can get there no matter what. I have tears in my eyes as I’m typing this because I had never really thought of it that way. I have control over how often I visit these beautiful unexplored caverns of goodness and light that are waiting to be explored. I don’t have control over how strong my chronic fatigue symptoms are, but I can control how easy I make it for myself on those tough days by making time and space for myself to rest easy within myself, deep below the surface.
If this posts resonates with you, I invite you to write out or think about how it feels when you’re on the surface of your beautiful life versus deep in the depths. If you’ve never felt the difference, I honor you and I invite you to lie down, put your hand on your precious heart and breathe. Even if nothing changes, I believe the depths will be easier to sink into with each time you show yourself you matter more than what’s happening on the surface. I love you no matter what you’re going through. From my heart and depths to yours, I see you.
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 