Giving myself time

I love this image. I took it at sunset a few weeks ago. It reminds me that there is a lot of beauty in the day’s transitions. Here is another of a sunrise from the front of my house.

These two images remind me that the sun doesn’t rush it’s rising or setting. Nor does it seem to judge what’s going on in the sky while it is going through those transitions. It just is. And it’s always perfect and beautiful. So, how can I translate this wisdom to myself?

Lately, I have been dealing with big feelings on and off. I’ve loved it because I am learning to allow myself space and time to be with my feelings. This is the opposite approach I used to take. It’s uncomfortable to be with some of these big feelings but it is also so liberating. I understand that they are here for a reason and that it is okay for me to sit with them, to just be with them. The other important thing I am learning is that I am okay even though I am feeling them. That is a big win.

So, these feelings are like a slow and glorious sunrise. There are different phases of a gorgeous sunrise. At first the sky gently starts to lighten. The sky may then explode into bursts of color, or highlight the underside of the clouds like in the second photo. Then the sun itself emerges over the horizon and creates this magnificent light and it feels like the world is celebrating. Afterwards, the sun continues to rise and bring us light and warmth (can you tell it’s winter here?).

I am seeing that my feelings have phases too. Sometimes they let me know they are there because I feel uncomfortable in my belly or chest. Other times, they explode and I feel them in my body and it’s like there is a shaking or a rumbling inside me. Occasionally it takes me a few days or weeks of my feelings rising and setting within me to understand their purpose and messages. That is what’s been going on for the past 3 weeks or so. The message in my feelings became clear to me on my walk this morning. It was perfect and beautiful and brought me much relief, even though I hadn’t liked feeling this way.

I also started understanding that being uncomfortable with these big feelings wasn’t wrong, it was like the feelings were incubating within me before they could burst out like a glorious sunrise and share their inspiration with me. I had to watch and feel those feelings set every night with the sun and know that they would rise again with the sun until I was ready.

Gosh, it is so freeing to understand myself and my feelings better. It feels so good to be making some sense of my life’s rhythms instead of constantly thinking I should be better at being happy all the time. I am a human. I have rhythms, I am affected by the winds of change within and around me, and that is a gift. I would rather be in sync with the rhythms on our beautiful planet than hold myself to some rigid expectations and suffer as a result.

May you all be blessed with so much ease, light and grace as you learn and explore your own natural rhythms too. With every breath you take, may you write beautiful treaties of peace with yourself, your feelings, your body, mind, heart and soul. Big hugs!

© Bradlee Zrudlo 2022. All Rights Reserved.