Shutting down

I shut down sometimes.

Sometimes I shut others out.

Sometimes it feels like I’m shutting myself out.

Shutting down.

Is it a healthy coping mechanism?

No, I don’t really think so.

Is it okay that I do it?

Ya, I think so.

Sometimes my computer just gets that loading circle right when I’m in the middle of doing something. I guess I’m like that sometimes too, I just need time and space to breathe deeply, to allow myself to process what’s going on and to fortify myself for responding to myself and life in the healthiest, most loving and respectful ways possible.

Am I haunted by echoes of the pain of being shut out by others? Yes.

Can learning to embrace my need to shut down help me look at that pain with more compassion, empathy and understanding? Yes.

Here I am, smiling and knowing that it is okay, that I am okay, that I am doing great and that with each realization, the self-judgement lessens, the need to be this perfect person dissolves and I can breathe deeply, embrace my humanity, love the me I am, the me I was and the me I will be.

May we all allows ourselves to be, to breathe, and to know that with every moment, we are learning, growing and exactly as we are meant to be.

© Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved.