This morning when I woke up, I thought of melting.
I had an image in my mind of me being in an ice block and how I have been thawing out and melting away those layers of hardness and rigidity that I was aware of but couldn’t just push or wish away. It appears I needed to deeply feel my pain and the resulting rigidity, and I needed time to process, rest and heal.
Sometimes in the spring, as everything thaws, I feel very exposed and vulnerable. This makes sense, as I have been going through a lot of emotional healing and turmoil. So when I woke up and saw that imagery in my mind of melting ice, I felt great. It made me feel like I have survived a very delicate and difficult time in my life and that I am emerging from a frozen and in process-type of state.
As with all feelings, I tend to think it’s going to last forever. Like when I was so sick a few weeks ago, I was sure I was never going to get better. And today, I feel reborn and renewed, and I want this feeling to last forever. I honour that desire, as who wouldn’t want to feel great more often than not?!
I believe that’s where I am learning to cultivate more compassion for myself. Compassion for the one who wants constancy, and good health. For the one who loves feeling empowered over broken down yet again. For the one who wants to pre-select aspects of my human experience, as opposed to being open to experiencing it all, no matter if it’s what I would choose or not.
Wherever you are in your human experience, I honour you, no matter if you’re feeling broken down or uplifted. I have found new courage and trust in life and in myself this morning, after many years of feeling super delicate, broken and deeply sad. Maybe the glory of what I am feeling today is in direct proportion to the depth of the pain and difficulty I have experienced? I don’t really know, but I hope my sharing helps you feel seen, witnessed and cared for, no matter what your inner and outer circumstances of life are.
With love, Bradlee ♥️
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2024. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 
Wow Bradlee, what a beautiful tribute to loving yourswlf through the valleys and peaks. Thank you sharing your heart. The vulnerability and process of thawing and melting into my growth is something am trying to emerge and face my fears and trauma. Honouring your growth and giving yourself love and compassion so proud of you. Continue to shine your beautiful authentic light and love. Love you Carla xoxo
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Thank you beautiful Carla! I always love reading your reflections on my posts 💖. I was triggered very deeply recently and it helped me to see the depth of the trauma I have experienced and how the wounds are on the surface and can so easily triggered or re-injured. I do believe that gaining this awareness has helped free me from the frozen confines of the ice I was metaphorically in. I am excited to see where this leads me and so proud of myself for speaking up and protecting my triggered self. I love you lots and I wish you so much gentle awareness, growth and healing! Xoxoxo
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