Notes to myself at 4am

Do you ever wake up in the early morning hours and feel like you need to spend time with yourself? That happens to me every now and then. I usually don’t mind it because I feel like it’s the universe giving me a little nudge to discover what my heart, mind and body want to share. I have a couple of ways that I spend that time, including:

1. lying in bed to hang out with myself and breathe
2. reading a book
3. taking a bath
4. asking myself some questions and waiting to hear if there are any answers
5. writing in a journal
6. listening to audio from my favorite spiritual teacher Matt Kahn

This weekend, I did numbers 1, 4, 5, and 6 and it was perfect for me. I really do feel it is a quiet time for me to get to know what’s bothering me or what I want to focus more on. It’s almost like I can be more honest and vulnerable with myself during that time when most others are asleep.

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all different and different things work for each of us. It is my humblest wish that by sharing what works for me inspires you to discover what works best for you.

In honour of that wish, I’m sharing one of my “4am notes to myself.” In this note, I’m reflecting on my time off work and how I’m doing. Whether this note resonates with you or not, may it help you connect more deeply with your little voice inside that just needs to be heard, not changed, but just heard.

“Here I am, nearly 2 weeks after my last note, and I still feel tired out.  I guess I expected this time off work to be more restorative and fun.  Instead I am learning new and unexpected things:

1. I don’t always have all the energy I’d like for myself, my family and home stuff, even without working and trips to my dad’s
2. I am super sensitive to stress and it affects my digestion, mood, muscles, etc. 
3. I have forgotten how to enjoy the present moment sometimes
4. I really like making blog posts
5. I love organizing even when I am tired
6. I have more energy for cooking when I am off
7. I have more time to spend outside and get refreshed even though I have little energy, I still use it wisely.
8. I can take a lot of baths
9. I have more energy for grocery shopping instead of just online shopping
10. I am good at family and home organizing and I get more pleasure out of it when I am off
11. I am great at finding books and shows that are interesting and make me feel good.

I am proud of myself. I have been challenged in several ways during this time off and I am doing a great job meeting my needs and finding my way despite being tired and feeling less heart centered and like I have less love for others and even myself.  Its about damn time I acknowledge myself this positively when I feel this tired.”

No matter how great or how shitty you feel, I acknowledge you. You matter and you are special. May you be blessed with much inner quiet so you can connect more deeply to yourself and know your needs. Big hugs!

Bradlee

©️ Bradlee Zrudlo, 2022. All Rights Reserved.