At the end

At the end – a poem

At the end

I am emptied out

I am numb

I am a shell of myself

Is this bad?

Is this the true end?

Or is this the end of who I used to be?

Of how I used to relate to the world?

All of this death, these endings, they keep leading me to a brighter, more true existence

As the gentle, sensitive, loving and caring person I am

Life is handing me my heart

And it is bathed in the purest, most gorgeous light

I can see it and feel its purity and brilliance

All while everything within and around me is crumbling

It is the façade of me and all I thought I should be

All turning to rubble, cascading down my emerging self

To reveal that gorgeous light

My heart is beating irregularly, it senses the end

May it also sense the new beginning

The emergence

Of me

Glorious me

Reborn at the same time as spring

Ready to blossom and grow but still needing time to strengthen

My stem before my leaves can reach and be nourished by that golden light that shines from above and from within me

I am here

At the end

At the beginning

Emptied out, only so I fill up once again

With all the beauty and light that has been waiting for me

To fill me to overflowing so I can share my abundant love with those who are withering, dying, crumbling and emptying out

I am here

I will sing out

All is well

Rest now and know that you too will fill up

All in due time

Be still my dear one

I love you

A note from me:

Sometimes I hear the whispers of a poem inside of me and I hurry to the computer to help it come alive. Other times, I only hear it and don’t act on the whispers. I am grateful I acted on it this time. This poem gave me comfort and peace. It helped me understand life’s rhythms more deeply and allowed me to relax into them, instead of struggling against their tide. It also gave me more confidence, it helped me to realize that there is much freedom that comes from the emptying out and filling up. I realized that at the end, there is only another beginning. Wherever you are in life, overwhelmed, excited, depressed, happy, anxious or raging, I honor you. May these words bring you comfort as you live through life’s rhythms.

© Bradlee Zrudlo 2023. All Rights Reserved