Witnessing myself

Sometimes I feel lonely.

Sometimes I feel like I wish I could be seen more deeply and completely.

Sometimes I feel so tired it’s hard to do much.

Sometimes I feel like my being is surrounded by mist and I need the sun to rise more to transform it.

Today feels joyous and celebratory, but heavy with a deep mist that has permeated my being.  It’s amazing how I can feel all of that at once.  Isn’t being a human amazing, miraculous, hard and wild?

I have decided to start writing more.  When I write, I witness myself, and the heavy mists lessen, like I am my own sunshine, rising up within me, bringing light, new possibilities and strength to myself, just like our sun does for us and our planet.

As I write this, I can already feel the lightness spreading, reminding me of how okay I am, even when my heart needs extra hugs, and especially when my hurts arise and need me to give myself more love, compassion and support.

And so, I smile, I write, and I unite within me with every word I type.

Last week, I had a campfire with and for myself.  It started out really blazing, and I decided to take a photo when it was at its slow burn point.  I was really struck by the white logs and the small flames dancing between the logs.  It served as a metaphor for my healing journey.  Every day and year, I grow and heal, not in a bonfire way, but in a slow burn way that allows me to feel, process, integrate and heal.

Do I ever wish I could just hurry it up and be better faster?  YES!  Definitely. But, I know these wounds have been here for a long time, including from generations past, and I am learning to breathe, to be, to honour my wounded parts, and to hold space for them to heal and integrate fully into my beingness.

And so I breathe, smile, write and relax.  May this post make you feel seen, witnessed and honoured in all the ways that you need.

I will sign off wishing you all my best, lots of care, and many opportunities to know and feel how special you are.

Big hugs,

Bradlee, and Maggie and Archie, respectively, as seen below