I have become more aware of the emotional wounds I have lately. Over the last several years, I have often felt very heavy, tired and weighed down. It’s like I am carrying a heavy load that is made up of all the past hurts and traumatic events in my life. Some days, I don’t even notice the weight and other times I am so very aware of the load I am carrying and it feels like a tremendous burden.
In the past, I wanted to ignore or push away that burden. I wanted nothing to do with it and I did everything I could to try to “magic” it away through various healing modalities. Here I am, several years later, and I am much older, wiser and kinder to myself, but I am still carrying this emotional weight.
This afternoon on a walk, it came to me that it is okay to carry this burden. It is a very valid burden to carry. It represents my pain and trauma, and those of my ancestors. I am carrying it for all of us, and I will continue to carry it, hold it and witness what it has to share for as long as is necessary. This emotional burden is no different than having an injured knee, hip or shoulder. You can’t see me physically limping or adjusting how I hold a physical burden, but I am carrying it nonetheless.
And maybe it isn’t actually a burden? Maybe the fact that I am aware of these emotional wounds and weight automatically converts it from something that is a burden to carry to something I can be honoured to carry for myself, for my family and for those who came before me? Maybe in my family, we’ve been carrying it for a long time and I will have the opportunity to break any cycles of abuse, neglect, hurt and harm, but not before carrying it, understanding it, nurturing it and thanking it.
Those are a lot of maybes, but they feel like good maybes. Maybe today is the day where I see things differently, from a burden to an honour, and from that place, only good can come? Just this week, I started seeing a therapist to better understand trauma, intergenerational trauma, the effect trauma has on our brains and bodies, and to learn how I can better nurture myself. I am excited, scared, nervous and ready. Maybe this post reflects all of those feelings?
No matter where you are in your journey of tending to and caring for your emotional wounds and burdens, I send you many blessings of care, respect, peace and deep, deep healing. May your heart be light and may you be well.
With love, Bradlee
© Bradlee Zrudlo 2024. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 
Thank you Bradlee for sharing this inspiring reflection of myself of emotional burden. As I was reading I resonated with every word, feeling and emotions. As you know I as well have been living with heavy emotional burden from past trauma. Fears and wounds I continual strive to nurture and give compassion and healing through self reflection and therapy. Some days I feel the heavy weight and often it just is there along my journey. Your bravery to continue to unfold and take hold of your fears, love and true authentic self worth is so inspiring and am proud of you. May you continue to flourish and see what I see how your burden is your honour. Continue to shine your beautiful light. Love you lots Carla xo
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Hi sweetie Carla, thank you so much for reading, reflecting and sharing with me. I’m so grateful we can share this journey together my dear friend. May we both continue to hold ourselves and each other as we boldly love, care for and nurture ourselves and the pain we are carrying and transforming with our presence and kindness. I super love you my friend!! xoxoxoxo
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