I am what I’m searching for

Last week, I was trying a new somatic practice, and it was helping me.  I became aware of myself thinking, “maybe this is it!  Maybe this is the thing that will finally help me get better.”

I have thought that thousands of times over the past several years of figuring out how to live with chronic fatigue syndrome.  To be honest with myself, I haven’t just been trying to live with it, I’ve been trying to get over it, over and over again.

That awareness the other day helped me realize that deep inside me I am still caught in the trap of trying to get over myself and hurry up and get better.  I’ve made lots of progress in being kinder and more compassionate to myself instead of always taking a deficit and fix myself mindset, but I guess there is always room for improvement!

I started reflecting on all I’ve done for myself over the years and I settled into a new knowing:  I am what I’ve been looking for.  It’s my dedication to myself, my willingness to grow and explore my inner world, to ask for support and to follow my intuition about what is working and what isn’t and what speed to journey at. 

Maybe it doesn’t matter that I’ve been unwell for so many years.  Maybe it just matters that through it all, I’ve been here, willing to keep experimenting to show myself that I am worth it.  That I am allowed to be exactly as I am and that I can also keep learning to help myself in new ways that will cumulatively surround and fill me with care, love, compassion and healing, regardless of any outcomes.  It’s me.  It’s not the tools.  It’s me.  I am the one.  I am it. 

Hmmmm, that feels good.  I value and treasure myself and my life and I am living in ways that show myself that.  So if the latest practice helps me feel a bit better and less exhausted, awesome.  If it doesn’t, or I need something else, I will adjust and pay attention to my needs.  Yes, that is nice.  I like it.  No blame, no shame, no hurrying, just settling in to being me, exactly as I am, in this moment and tuning in to see what I need.

I wish you all the best in attuning to your needs too!  May you see and acknowledge the good you do for yourself and may you be inspired about what unmet needs you may have and how you can go about meeting them (that’s my plan for today 🥰🥰).

Big hugs, Bradlee  🌟🩷

©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026.  All Rights Reserved.