Beyond the Breaking Point

In my previous post, I wrote about being at the breaking point. It was a post overflowing with the rawness of emotion I was experiencing at the time. Writing that post gave me courage to be with myself when I was so angry, disappointed and violated. It helped me understand that I didn’t need to know what was coming next, yet.

Here I am a few days later and I am so grateful for this experience. It taught me that I am my own fiercest protector. In the face of disrespectful behavior, I rose up within myself to see it for what it was and to say enough. I was flooded with a whole spectrum of emotions, all of which I was able to embrace as completely valid. I didn’t have my next steps ready, instead I just gave those huge emotions space to breath and to guide me to what was next.

This is new territory for me because in the past, I just micro-managed myself, trying to fit into the mold of who I thought I should be. I’ve been unlearning all of that, and I am learning to live my own life, according to my rules, my beliefs, my values and my feelings. It is a gorgeously transformative process that has been incredibly beautiful, rewarding, and exhausting.

The next morning after writing that post, my next steps became clear. My limits and boundaries had been violated so severely and I was radiating with a giant, booming, “NO MORE,” in the cells of my body. I knew that I owed it to myself to follow those feelings and to make decisions that would allow me to be in a healthier, more respectful environment. In the past, I used to think I had to stay and suffer through it, or try to reason my way through abusive behavior, or make excuses for those being disrespectful. This may be the among the rare times when I heard the “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” scream within me and gave myself permission to act on it. May this be more of my reality going forward (and yours too if this resonates with you).

I’m learning how to be an expert in me, by working towards getting a PhD in Being Me, and I took major steps forward during this experience. It felt holistic and pure and straight from within me. I didn’t look to others to confirm my next steps, I make those decisions from that inner roar and man, it felt so super good.

By Friday evening, I was exhausted and depleted and yesterday too. I know how much energy it takes to learn new ways of being and to follow ones instincts in a world full of advice, fads and ways of being. I rode those waves of exhaustion and made sure to praise myself for following my inner voice, for protecting my innocence, for knowing I was worthy of having my boundaries respected and for taking steps to make sure major boundary violations wouldn’t happen again. I was gentle with myself as I went through this and I am smiling while typing this. It feels very good to be learning to honor myself from the inside out.

If you are in need of gentleness, I support you. I am with you. I haven’t gotten to this place overnight. It has been a life long process, one that has been agonizingly slow at times. It is my hope that in sharing my journey, it will help connect you to what is best for you in your life. I would never dream of making any reader think that they need to do exactly what I am doing. Rather, it is my dream that you, dear reader, may be so full of love, inspiration and hope after visiting this blog that it makes your life easier and gentler.

May you follow the breadcrumbs of light that I am leaving behind as I walk, type and learn to live from my power. May they lead you to your inner voice and power. May you rise up within yourself, in your own way, to live your life from the inside out, in all of your brilliance and authenticity, despite anything you’ve ever been told about what is wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. We are beautiful humans, being pushed to the breaking point, so we may see what’s on the other side.

Pssst, I have a secret. I think it’s only freedom, power and greater confidence. Look out world, here we come with songs of hope, torches of light and an abundance of love and healing.

Big hugs!! xoxoxoxoox

© Bradlee Zrudlo 2023.  All Rights Reserved.