For those who are new to my blog, I am working on getting a PhD in Being Me. I have spent so much of my life trying to be what others wanted of me and instead, I’ve switched directions. I’m enrolled in the school of me, and I want to pursue the highest education I can in being me. I want to learn about my needs, my desires, what I need to heal, thrive, grow and evolve. I don’t want to follow anyone else’s curriculum about living life, I want to discover mine, as I live my life. I want to become so good at being me, that I’m going to get a PhD in Being Me. And that’s something that no one else can do and that no one can take away from me, because I am doing all the work to get there.
For those who have been reading my posts for a while now, thank you! I started writing this in 2022 as a way to focus my efforts and to encourage myself to keep going. I have been hopeful that my words will inspire others to live their truth too, even if it means having to discover it like I am.
I sometimes think that’s part of the whole purpose of life. Not for life to be glamorous, fancy or sophisticated, but to explore life as ourselves, including our inner experience of life, even if we think our lives may be boring. There is nothing as badass or rollercoaster-ish than spending time with oneself, understanding one’s needs, pain, scars and fears. Emerging from the other side, even just tiny peeks every now and again as one may be exploring deep, deep down, is so exhilarating and freeing.
I was reflecting on my journey in getting a PhD in Being Me with my husband recently and I said, “you know, I think I may have graduated out of the elementary school of being me. I think I’ve made a lot of progress even though it’s been really hard, I think I graduated and am moving on up in my education!” I loved that as a concept, and so I wanted to share it all with you too.
As kids, we are often in such a hurry to grow up and be adults. I have taken that approach to my healing and education in being me too. I used to be in such a hurry to “get better, be better, be healthier, etc.” that I was accidentally leaving myself behind and missing the journey of my healing.
In the last several months, I have been slowing down internally. I am less in a fight, flight or shut down state and more in a feeling and being present with myself state. It took me a long time to get here and I couldn’t know how I was living before until my inner world felt more regulated and at a peace. I have benefited so much from therapy and from the Primal Trust program that I now have a lot more understanding of my past and how difficult it was for me to be me.
I really felt like this was a big milestone and an important step closer to me getting my PhD in Being Me. I still have so much to learn and that’s okay with me. I do think it will be a life long journey of self-discovery, self-love and giving myself lots of kindness and compassion. And celebrating my wins, even the small ones like remembering to use a helpful tool when I am triggered or when I am exhausted with chronic fatigue syndrome.
I am learning how to be with myself as I live my life and that is golden. I am learning that I am so worthy of supporting myself and being supported by others. I am learning that I am more than my wounds, and more than the hurtful words and actions from others. I am glorious, even in my fatigue, trauma and overwhelm. I am me, and that is more than enough.
This progress feels incredible, and it makes me excited for the more growth, healing and be-ing that is still to come. I am so grateful to be on disability leave from my job and to have such incredible supportive people and tools and resources in my life.
Thank you for journeying with me 🩷🩷🌟🌟, may you be well, may you be and feel safe, and may you be blesssed with an abundance of healing, love and compassion.
Big hugs, Bradlee
©️ Bradlee Zrudlo 2026. All Rights Reserved.
PhD in Being Me 
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