I remember itWalking through life emptyA shell of myselfWith no hope for life to be any different I remember the terrible loneliness The sense that everyone else had it figured out but meThe longing to have a purpose and an existence greater than the numbnessBut thinking that was reserved for others I have felt thisContinue reading “Numb”
Tag Archives: Self-Love
When rest is best
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome can be quite confusing and hard. I remember being a student athlete, working full time and working on a Master’s degree in another city, and other wonderful examples of having energy. I also know that having this medical condition has taught me so much about myself and has given meContinue reading “When rest is best”
Garbage on the side of the road
Hurt people hurt people. I have heard that around and in my experience it is also true. I also think hurt people hurt the planet by throwing garbage on the side of the road. I remember many years ago when I believed I was worthless and not precious or a treasure. I remember feeling emptyContinue reading “Garbage on the side of the road”
Making peace with suffering
A beautiful, tiny, one-day old baby chick named Lillium taught so much about suffering in her time with us. She arrived at 9:15 am on May 31, 2023, and she passed away by 6:30am the next day. We got 7 one-day old baby chicks, and they are all so precious and cute. Baby chicks areContinue reading “Making peace with suffering”
To Be Human
To be human. What is it really? Is it to be perfect, to have everything organized and controlled? Or it is about acknowledging that life gets messy and choosing gratitude anyway? Is it about having everything society tells me I should have? Or is it about making the best with what I’ve got and dreamingContinue reading “To Be Human”
Lovely things to say to yourself
The dogs woke me up at 4:45am this morning and I was pretty irritated at first. I was amazed how quickly I turned my irritation around by saying lovely things to myself. As I walked down the hall to let them out, I said, “You’re doing such a great job, Bradlee,” and “You are suchContinue reading “Lovely things to say to yourself”
Who am I waiting for?
I wrote the words below in May 2019. I often wrote emails to myself, to try to sort out my feelings. Sometimes I find that easier than writing in a journal. I am so humbled to read these words, there I was, so broken after my mom had suddenly died a few months later, butContinue reading “Who am I waiting for?”
Destroyed
I wrote this poem in May 2021. I remember sitting and talking to someone as these realizations hit me and I knew I was witnessing my own destruction. I remember writing this and feeling soothed and knowing that I was okay, even as I was being destroyed. I remember knowing that everything, including me, wasContinue reading “Destroyed”
Beyond the Breaking Point
In my previous post, I wrote about being at the breaking point. It was a post overflowing with the rawness of emotion I was experiencing at the time. Writing that post gave me courage to be with myself when I was so angry, disappointed and violated. It helped me understand that I didn’t need toContinue reading “Beyond the Breaking Point”
Literally overflowing with love
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome is sometimes at odds with who I am. I am a big hearted person who loves to connect with others, share hugs, give compassion and acknowledgement and more hugs. Being chronically tired means that I can’t always do that because I don’t have enough physical, energetic or emotional energy toContinue reading “Literally overflowing with love”
PhD in Being Me 